I Should Be Asleep

I'm not usually one who has a problem sleeping in when I can but this week I can't even sleep until my alarm goes off. It doesn't matter what time I was planning on getting up, either. Yesterday we were going to be up by 7 AM so we'd have plenty of time to get ready and get to the County Clerk's office. I was wide awake at 6:30. Today we were thinking we'd have a bit of a relaxed morning with breakfast at the hotel so 8 or 8:30 would be ok. Yep, 7:15 I was cuddled next to Branden trying to doze off again and 7:30 I gave up.

Branden doesn't seem to share my sleep troubles. Then again, Branden is very good at sleeping in and even better at putting things out of his mind to do so. Even when he does wake up earlier than he wishes to get out of bed, he can usually manage to roll over and drift away again... And if I'm in bed at that time I usually get a bit of cuddling and an early "I love you" out of his brief moment of wakefulness. :)

I don't feel like I'm extra stressed right now. I really feel out of the loop. I'm here and I haven't had a real chance to sit down with my sisters and find out what's going on. My mom and I have had a chance to talk, I tried on my dress with her and there are just a few things we need to get done. Branden's mom, Mary Jo, jumped right in and helped with the boutonnieres and had them under control in no time. I had a fun chat with Stacy while she dyed my hair and it was great to see two of her kids. Katie brought all the girls together at her house for an evening of food, talking and laughter. Chantelle gave me lots of hugs and made sure our room was ready for us. Of course, Rick'n'Abby gave us a warm welcome our first night and Rick showed me my cake toppers... They are both adorable so I'll be displaying both of them. I've had a lot of fun but I still am not sure exactly how ready we are for tomorrow.

Feeling out of the loop is no reason to be awake early so I have to think that I'm more stressed than I feel. I'm getting married tomorrow... Maybe I'm just too excited to sleep. It feels unreal and thrilling at the same time. After all this time, I'm getting married tomorrow. :)

"There's Only Two Things In This Life I Hate: Heights and Jumping From Them."

I'm not a leaper. I don't jump off things, I have no desire to sky dive or bungee jump and I dislike the feeling of falling even when I'm strapped in to a roller coaster. And I don't take leaps of faith.

My "leap"of faith often involves standing with my toes near the edge and thinking. Then I may move one foot until my big toe hangs over the edge and think some more. Then I move my foot back and keep thinking... This goes on for a while- Branden will tell you he feels it goes on for too long with too much thinking. By the time I've decided whether or not to leap, it's often too late to leap. Either that or I've thought of all the bad things never leap because I was too scared. Very few times in my life have I just leaped.

But today I leaped. I turned in my two-week notice at work. On Wednesday I found an ad on Craigslist, on Thursday I interviewed and was offered the job, on Friday I decided to accept the job... And today I quit. The thing is, I'm taking a pay cut BUT I'll be working at a cake shop and there are opportunities for advancement.

I am TERRIFIED. What if we can't make ends meet? What if I just made a terrible mistake? What if... All the other what-ifs out there.

One thing that I've avoided talking about on here, though, is how miserable I am at work... How rude my boss is to me and how she talks about me behind my back. I don't mention that no matter how hard I work or how happy a customer is with their cake, I have still done something wrong in her eyes and she will immediately insult me after I get a compliment. I haven't told you about the girl I snapped at in June who hasn't spoken to me since and who goes out of her way to make my job harder. I have purposely left out all the bad days that I cried on the way home and all the times that I've had to bite my tongue. I haven't said anything about all of that.

So today I leaped. I'll either fall or fly but either way, I've left the edge and I'm on my way to wherever I'm going. In the immortal words of Rizzo the Rat: "God Save My Little Broken Body!"

The Kind of Day I Can Feel Good About

Today was a successful day. There wasn't anything extra special that I managed to get done but I have completed everything in my to do list and just feel good.

I did laundry. I cleaned a little and took out garbage. I paid rent. I went grocery shopping... I LOVE grocery shopping, but that's another post. I baked chicken for sandwiches for this next week. (Yep, we're spoiled. I make our sandwiches from oven roasted lemon chicken instead of lunch meat.) I made chicken and rice for dinner- still a favorite after all these years. I started a checklist of things to be finished for our wedding and found some links to share to help my sisters and mom see some of my vision. Oh, and I sent out a mass email to my FB wedding group requesting addresses because my wedding is LESS THAN FOUR WEEKS AWAY and lots of people still haven't given us addresses.

All in all, a good day. Not a bad way to start my wedding month. HOLY COW!!! It's my wedding month, everyone! FINALLY! :)