Please Don't Let This Ever Be Me

I am a faithful reader of Cake Wrecks. http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com If you've never read the blog, you should check it out. It can be quite amusing and I often laugh out loud... But, if I'm honest, that's not the real reason I read it.

I've gone back through all the pages... I've looked at every picture and read every post... To reassure myself that none of the cakes posted on these pages are mine.

I dread the day that one of my creations appears on this blog.

For the most part I'm a crazy perfectionist when it comes to my decorating. I am concerned about the placement of every leaf and have been known to triple and quadruple check the requested message before writing it on the cake. Unfortunately, I have still been known, on the very rare occasion, to make mistakes.

I am BEYOND glad that this blogger has never received pictures of the "Santa's Workshop" gingerbread house that Kazia and I royally botched about four years ago. I am thankful that all my worst cakes happened well before this blog even existed. And I am really and truly terrified that one of my mishaps will someday be the laughing stock of the thousands of people who read Cake Wrecks every day.

My Family Is Indescribably Wonderful

My family is absolutely amazing and I am so lucky to have them.

Yesterday my car officially died. With hardly even a pause to consider her own transportation needs, Katie offered to let us borrow her car. In fact, she talked me into thinking it would be ok when I questioned over and over and over if she would be ok without it for a week or so. She even helped clean all the stuff out of my old car and put it in the trunk and back seat of her car. I cannot begin to express what her sacrifice means to me. She has given me the means to not walk to and from work in the dark and snow every day. But more than that, she has given us a way for Branden to do side jobs and continue looking for full-time employment.

Today I got a call from my mom. My parents are offering one of their cars to us... Forever. It's older than my last car, but it's reliable, has a heater- very important out here- AND goes both forward and backward. All we'll have to do is change out a tie rod and put a pair of snow tires on it. Apparently it won't pass the emissions inspection but Summit County only requires that it pass safety inspections. My mom insisted that we're doing them a favor by taking it since we can lisence it and they can't so it'll take a car out of their driveway. By this time next week I will probably have a car again.

Yesterday I bawled while Katie was helping me and it wasn't just because my car was dead. Today I fought tears the whole time I was on the phone with my mom. I am fighting tears- a somewhat losing battle- right now. I cannot believe how lucky I am and how much my family loves me. I will never stop being thankful for all that they do for me and I will never be able to pay them back.

RIP Milo

My car is officially dead in every way, shape and form. I am in mourning.

For the last year I have been driving a car that went forward but not in reverse. Last night, Milo decided that he's had even had enough going forward. If it had been the transmission that blew I wouldn't have been too surprised. But it was my engine.

We arrived at the family Christmas party without a problem. After the party we had to run over to Katie and Tyler's house for a little while. That's when we started having problems. Branden turned on the car, started driving and we could feel it jerking. Not jerking like there was a flat tire but rhythmically jerking while we drove. We hoped at first that it was just the cold. We got to their house, parked the car and had a nice visit.

Before we could head for home we had to put gas in the car. The moment I started driving I knew something was VERY wrong. Milo had no power and the jerking was BAD. I called Tyler before we'd even reached the gas station at Smith's. When he arrived he said that something in my car was misfiring. It was pretty much either a spark plug or a piston. So we left my car parked in the Smith's parking lot overnight and Branden and I slept over at Katie's house.

While Katie and I made all of us brunch, the boys headed over to Checker to buy spark plugs and wires in hopes that they'd be able to fix Milo. No such luck. I guess when Tyler pulled out the first spark plug it was pretty much coated in oil with metal shavings in it... A fatal diagnosis for a car. From what I understand, the piston was misfiring and scraping the inside of the cylinder.

Since a new engine would cost more than my car is worth- and since the transmission is bad as well- there's no reason to do anything more than see if anyone want to buy Milo for parts. We all went to pick up my car from the Smith's parking lot and BARELY made it back to their house before he died. Milo gasped out his last exhaust fumes on the corner as Tyler turned him into their driveway. Branden had to push to get Milo to the far side of the garage.

Katie was sweet enough to lend us her car for a couple of weeks. I have come full circle. Before I had Milo I was driving Carrie's car which is now Katie's car... So now Milo's dead and I'm driving that same car, though only for a week or two. We cleaned everything out of my car and Tyler has offered to post it online. With any luck we'll get a little money and... Fix one of Branden's vehicles as best we can... And try to find a new car for me... I guess.

Where Is My Christmas Spirit?

I am not really in the Christmas spirit this year. I'm trying really hard but I'm just not feeling it. I think it's the stress of work and the uncertainty of the future that's getting me down. Still, I'm doing all the things I normally do to get into the spirit of the holidays.

Three times I have worn the black and red striped "Happy Holidays" socks that Katie gave me. Today I wore BRAND NEW red, green, gray and black Christmas-y Argyle knee socks. I showed them off to people in hopes that I would feel more Christmas-y by feeling happy about my socks. It didn't work.

I was alone in the kitchen at work today so I tried singing Christmas carols while I made half-a-billion Christmas cookies... I ended up crying. I couldn't even sing "Let It Snow" without tears! The only song I could manage to sing without crying was the song that the Ghost of Christmas Present sings in Muppet's Christmas Carol. I was singing that at the top of my lungs when an expediter walked in from up front... It was a little embarrassing. Still no Christmas spirit.

I set up the Christmas tree and put on the blue and white lights, the silver and blue beads, glittery star and blue and silver bells all by myself. I made Branden help with the glittery blue and silver ornaments. (It's only a 3 ft tree so it doesn't need a lot.) Once again it looks a bit like Jack Frost vomited on my Christmas tree. I try to remember to turn on the lights each night and I like to look at it, but it's not helping either.

I baked cookies and made candy with my family. I've made and iced Christmas cookies at home with Branden. I've been to two awesome Christmas parties. I've admired lights as I've driven around. I've experienced the sights and smells and tastes of Christmas. And I've had lots of fun doing all of it. But I'm still just not spirited.

I have a VCR but it's not hooked up to a TV. Unfortunately, my only copies of Muppet's Christmas Carol and Mickey's Christmas Sing-Along are on VHS. I don't have any Christmas music and I don't go to the store often so I don't hear very much. Maybe the SOUNDS of Christmas would help.

Branden and I each wrapped Christmas presents and there are gifts under our tree. Ok, so they're actually on the ground around the platform that's holding the tree, but it's close enough. I have to wrap my gifts for my family. Maybe I'll do that now while I watch my non-politically correct Christmas cartoons- the ONLY Christmas DVD I own. It may not help but it probably won't hurt, either.

"Water, Water, Wet, Wet Water"

I love to drink water.

I don't care if it's bottled or tap water as long as it's not gross tap water. The water at our old house was well water. THAT was nasty! It tasted like a swamp and showering with it... Ugh! I could smell it the whole time and I got out of the shower feeling like I stank. Branden didn't notice it. He said it was all in my head. I whined and complained about it till he put a filter on the sink. That didn't fix the showering issue, but at least I could drink the water.

The water in this house isn't bad at all. In fact, with it being winter and all, it comes out the tap ice cold and DELICIOUS. MMM... Cold water is the best. AND there's no smell when I shower. I take nice warm showers and get out feeling refreshed and, most importantly, clean!

Sometimes I get crazy-thirsty. I will stand at the sink and drink cup after cup of water and never stop feeling thirsty even after I'm all full of water. I don't know why this happens. It seems to come in phases, too. One week I'll be normal and the next week I'll need lots of water and the week after that I'm normal again. Right now I'm thirsty and I just drank two big, red, plastic cups full of water.

I can't understand people who don't like water. What's not to like? It's a major component of your body and it keeps you alive. Unless you drink too much and the sodium in your cells gets too diluted and you die... Just don't do that and you'll be ok. It's the universal solvent. (I learned that in science YEARS ago and I've never forgotten.) You can use it to wash your dishes or your floor or your clothes or your cat- if you're crazy- and it always works! Fish seem to like water a lot and so do fisherpeople. I also think that Michael Phelps guy likes water as well. Water makes plants grow and is important in the growth of yeast when baking bread. I like bread as well, but that is a different story entirely. Water just rocks.

Yep. I've just written an entire blog about water.

Unemployment Update

Branden is still unemployed.

Not enough of an update? Well, luckily there IS more to report than that.

One of the reasons that I have been mad recently is because his former boss, T, has basically attempted to... well, for lack of a better term, screw Branden over at every turn. There are plenty of examples I can give, but the biggest one that is affecting us right now is the fact that T removed taxes from Branden's pay every week but never reported Branden's earnings to the government. Anyone see a problem with this?

By the by, when Branden confronted T about the lack of reporting, T claimed that he had filed everything he thought he had to file. Please note: T has not claimed to have PAID anything, only to have FILED things.

Since, according to the government, nothing was reported, when Branden tried to open a claim with Unemployment he was ineligible. He has spent the last two and a half weeks- seems like so much longer!- calling the Unemployment Offices over and over and doing everything they've asked of him to change this status. One thing they asked was for T to fill out paperwork stating that Branden was in his employ, etc. T did so... Except that he reported to Unemployment that Branden was fired because he failed to follow company procedure which would truly make Branden ineligible.

First, that was NOT the BS reason given when Branden was fired. Second, even the people at the unemployment agency could see that this was T's way of trying to get out of trouble. Third, in order for this reason to fly, T must provide written documentation of the company policies and procedures SIGNED AND DATED BY BRANDEN and he must provide formal, written documentation of disciplinary actions taken when Branden failed to comply with said policies, SIGNED AND DATED BY BRANDEN. Needless to say, none of these documents exist.

So, nicely enough, the people at the Unemployment Office are calling T's lie and opening an investigation... And Branden has been declared eligible for assistance. Because of this whole mess, it may take as much as a month for Branden to see any money but as long as he files every week we will eventually get all the back-payments.

Oh yes, and because of this whole mess that Branden's been going trough and the investigation that has been opened, there's a good chance that T will be paying MAJOR fines and possibly even getting some jail time. It seems that the government REALLY wants their money and actually punishes you if you don't give it to them. Who knew?

My First Meatloaf

*Warning* As a pastry chef, I spend a lot of time around food. Therefore, I spend a lot of time thinking about food, talking about food and- as in this blog- writing about food. If by some chance I make you hungry by doing this... Just grab a quick snack and you'll be ok. :)

I made meatloaf for dinner last night. I've never made meatloaf before, but I can see why people don't like it. Holy crap, that stuff was greasy! And baking it with ketchup on top? Who thought that up? Hot, baked ketchup does NOT taste good.

I admit that I bought a seasoning packet from the grocery store and just followed the instructions on it. Maybe it'd be better if I tried something different... And left off the ketchup before baking. I asked Branden if he could handle it if I substituted ground turkey for some of the beef. He wasn't thrilled with the idea, but I think it'll be a LOT less greasy that way.

Katie told me that Sharon has a very specific recipe that she uses every time she makes meatloaf. Maybe I'll see if Sharon would be nice enough to give it to me. Or maybe I should just try doing what just about every other meatloaf-cook does and make it up as I go. Is it really that hard to make something that tastes decent and isn't greasy? Probably yes.

I'm not even sure why I care about making good meatloaf. Something about the idea of meatloaf creeps me out just a little. I like meat- no, I LOVE meat- but this is not just meat. It's meat with stuff in it... Weird stuff. Still, Branden likes it and I've now made meatloaf for him ONCE in the nearly 17 months we've lived together. I GUESS I can be nice and make it more often. But he'd better not complain when I try out different things. If I have to eat that greasy nastiness every time I make meatloaf I will suddenly forget how to make it and never make it again.

"The Time Has Come," The Walrus Said, "To Talk of Other Things..."

This is the blog that I've been avoiding writing for the last week and a half. The news is not good but it must be told: On Monday, November 24, 2008, Branden was fired from his job as a plumber.

There are many reasons we can give- from the complete load of crap that Branden's boss gave to some angering hypotheses which seem to come closer to the truth and certainly hit closer to home- but no answer will change the fact that Branden is unemployed at the time of year when we were counting on lots of work. Thankfully I still have work. Not as much as last year, but I should at least bring home a sort-of decent paycheck every couple of weeks.

We are grateful to a few of Branden's friends and acquaintances who've offered him a few side jobs this last week. It's not much and certainly not enough for us to survive for long, but every little bit helps. And each offer lets us know that there are people out there who care about us. We really need that right now. I really need that right now.

I have a lot of anger in me all the time. Most of the time it just simmers inside me and although it's not pleasant, it's also not exactly destructive or intrusive into my life. Other times it boils up so that I can barely breathe. I wanna scream so loud and long that my voice is ragged for days. I wanna punch and kick and throw things like in a movie, then have someone grab me to calm me down and hold me while I break into a million pieces inside and cry for an hour. But I don't have those luxuries. I can't break because I have to keep living. I can't scream and I can't break things because I'd be the one left cleaning it up.

So when the anger boils up, I cry. Most of the time the tears roll silently down my face without anyone knowing. I try not to make a sound and I try not to let Branden know. But every time someone asks how I'm doing... I cry. I don't mean to cry, but I just can't lie when everything is just below the surface. Ask me anything, anything, except how I'm doing right now. I cry a lot these days.

At the moment we don't know what we're going to do. That's the long and short of it. I'm freaked out, and stressed and scared out of me wits... But we're also hopeful. I'll keep everyone updated when things change.

Thanksgiving Dinner At Our House

I have bad news that I haven't written about yet but I don't want my first "real" blog to be about sad things. So I'm still not going to write it because I'd rather write about Thanksgiving! :)

Yesterday I got up early so I could bake rolls, make deviled eggs (Branden's special request), make a no-bake cheesecake (Richard's special request) and roast our twenty-pound turkey. I'd made all my pumpkin pies well in advance so at least I didn't have to make those as well. Branden and I also had to finish cleaning the house and move furniture so we would have room to set up tables in the living room. Thankfully, this was all successfully accomplished.

Around 3:15 PM Rick, Abby and her two brothers, Eli and Ben, arrived at my house. Abby, Rick, Eli, Ben and Branden rearranged the two tables we had (one four foot and one six foot) over and over until everything was JUST RIGHT. It was great to watch, but there were already so many opinions that I just decided it'd be a best to just stay out of the way.

I pulled the turkey out of the oven and made gravy while Abby made mashed potatoes. Shay and Mikey showed up a bit late, but that was really ok because they still got here before all the food was ready. :) Eli was kind enough to carve the turkey. He loved my chef knife that I got from school and declared that he might just have to go to chef school so he could have one, too. Branden cooked his own corn and was a great help in carrying all the food out to the serving table.

After everything was finally done, we sat down to a great feast. I was really happy with the way the turkey out, Abby's mashed potatoes were very good and I was very impressed with her cranberry mousse. Everyone ate their fill and there was still tons leftover... Though I suppose that's to be expected with a twenty-pound bird and the three quarts of gravy that everyone insisted I make. :P

The best part was the conversation. We talked about dead deer and various other road kill and pranks pulled with road kill and people getting eviscerated and people cutting off their own arms and legs and people falling out of planes and... Lots of other things that Mom deems "inappropriate dinner conversation." There was lots of laughter and it was definitely the most morbid Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had the pleasure to attend.

We took a small break between dinner and dessert to share various YouTube videos we found amusing/interesting. Then we sat down to cheesecake and lots of pie with homemade whipped cream. Afterward, we took down the table and lounged on the couch and the floor watching Death Race.

I feel it was a successful Thanksgiving with lots of fun and happiness and no drama or fights. I'm so glad that everyone came and contributed to the happy evening.

First

GAH! I'm having the HARDEST time writing this first blog. I decided that it was time to blog out where everyone could read it so I set all this up and now I totally have writer's block.

I've been blogging for the last four years and most of the time I have more than enough to say. Having trouble writing is not a normal occurrence for me. So here's a short blog just to get started and I promise there will be more interesting and much longer posts in the future.