"The Time Has Come," The Walrus Said, "To Talk of Other Things..."

This is the blog that I've been avoiding writing for the last week and a half. The news is not good but it must be told: On Monday, November 24, 2008, Branden was fired from his job as a plumber.

There are many reasons we can give- from the complete load of crap that Branden's boss gave to some angering hypotheses which seem to come closer to the truth and certainly hit closer to home- but no answer will change the fact that Branden is unemployed at the time of year when we were counting on lots of work. Thankfully I still have work. Not as much as last year, but I should at least bring home a sort-of decent paycheck every couple of weeks.

We are grateful to a few of Branden's friends and acquaintances who've offered him a few side jobs this last week. It's not much and certainly not enough for us to survive for long, but every little bit helps. And each offer lets us know that there are people out there who care about us. We really need that right now. I really need that right now.

I have a lot of anger in me all the time. Most of the time it just simmers inside me and although it's not pleasant, it's also not exactly destructive or intrusive into my life. Other times it boils up so that I can barely breathe. I wanna scream so loud and long that my voice is ragged for days. I wanna punch and kick and throw things like in a movie, then have someone grab me to calm me down and hold me while I break into a million pieces inside and cry for an hour. But I don't have those luxuries. I can't break because I have to keep living. I can't scream and I can't break things because I'd be the one left cleaning it up.

So when the anger boils up, I cry. Most of the time the tears roll silently down my face without anyone knowing. I try not to make a sound and I try not to let Branden know. But every time someone asks how I'm doing... I cry. I don't mean to cry, but I just can't lie when everything is just below the surface. Ask me anything, anything, except how I'm doing right now. I cry a lot these days.

At the moment we don't know what we're going to do. That's the long and short of it. I'm freaked out, and stressed and scared out of me wits... But we're also hopeful. I'll keep everyone updated when things change.