7:30 Christmas Morning

I'm awake. I intended to sleep in but my bladder had other plans and then my brain decided to agree. So I'm at my computer with the lights of the Christmas tree shining in the corner. I've spent Christmas without my family before but I'm feeling a little extra moody (sad really) and poor Branden has had to deal with me. When I was home, this was about the time that we'd finish opening gifts.

My parents never let us open anything the night before- something that Branden and I disagree about for our family. Christmas Eve was reserved for a dinner together and watching George C. Scott in A Christmas Carol. I remember begging to be allowed to open "Just one gift" but my parents always held their ground.

We were under strict orders not to wake our parents before 6 AM Christmas morning. I know we didn't always all cram into the same room to sleep- sometimes we did- but it seems that we always woke very early Christmas morning and ended up in the same room feeding off each others' excitement. At 6:00 on the dot the oldest child would go to wake Mom and Dad while the rest of us wrapped ourselves in blankets and lined up in age order. We had to wait for Dad to turn on the Christmas tree lights and he never failed to tell us that we should just go back to bed because Santa didn't come. Of course, Santa never actually forgot us.

After we'd seen our Santa gifts and our stockings had been explored, Dad began handing out gifts one at a time and we waited for each to be opened and shown off before the next was unwrapped. I loved to see my siblings open the gifts I'd so carefully selected for them. I feel the waiting and watching helped make things more about the giving than the getting. We didn't just rip into things, we took the time to appreciate the work that went into each gift and had the chance to talk and laugh in the meantime. That time also sparked some long-standing family jokes. (It's a... SWEATER!)

When every gift was out from under the tree the real mess began. Toys were removed from boxes and little parts and pieces were scattered around the living room. Despite Mom's instructions not to eat any candy before breakfast, chocolate made it into almost every mouth and wrappers scattered about with the toys. This was our time for chaos: when everyone wanted to look at and show off everything in the room. And then it was time for breakfast.

When we were young, Allan had a book called Daddy Makes the Best Spaghetti. Well, I disagree, Daddy makes the best breakfast! Eggs and bacon and fried potatoes and hot chocolate- actually, the hot chocolate was Mom's contribution- and all the best breakfast items made just for us on Christmas morning. Don't get me wrong, he made breakfast many other days of the year as well but Christmas... It was the one meal we were sure to eat. Our stockings were filled with candy,microwave popcorn, beef jerky, cans of olives and packets of nuts. (I STILL want those things in my stocking.) With all that to eat, we didn't necessarily have another full meal that day. Oh, my mom tried to get us to eat something else but let's just say it's a good thing breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

We spent the day watching new movies and playing new games. Maybe we'd go sledding on brand new sleds or just go outside and play in the snow. Maybe we'd even go out to a movie or go visit a sibling who'd celebrated Christmas morning with their own family. The rest of the day was a blur of candy and fun with a nap or two thrown in for good measure.

7:30 AM was my true Christmas Day. After the gifts were unwrapped but before we had scattered to whatever activities we were going to do that day. When everyone was happy and there was a kind of peaceful chaos. I am hoping to have that again one day with my very own family. In the mean time, I hope you and yours enjoy your own 7:30 Christmas Morning feeling no matter what time of the day it arrives. Merry Christmas!

"I Want To Be Someone Who Believes"

I don't remember how old I was when I stopped believing in Santa Claus but I was probably too young... Definitely no older than six. Santa, or more accurately my belief in Santa, was the unfortunate victim of my older sister's need-to-know and her ability to get into the locked bedroom containing our Christmas gifts.

A few days ago I was standing in Hobby Lobby staring at a blue and silver sign that said "Believe" and debating whether or not to purchase when it hit me, something that everyone else probably already knows and it just took me a long time to figure out: Christmas is about believing.

It's the belief that there was a baby born in a stable and laid in a manger. It's the belief that a new star lead shepherds, and later wise men, to that stable. It's the belief that that baby went on to change the world in a big way.

It's the belief that there's a man in a red suit who gives gifts to good children. It's belief in the goodness of your fellow man. It's the belief that the magic and special feelings brought on by one special night can save Scrooge's soul or make the Grinch's heart grow... And it's the belief that those changes are permanent. It's belief in all the legends and stories of Christmas past.

Whatever else Christmas is about, it is first and foremost about believing. May you all find much to believe in this Christmas season and throughout the coming year.

Notably Positive

It is, indeed, the time of year when we count our blessings. It is true that we should count them every day- in a way, that's what my Notably Positive blogs are about- but this time of year we tend to try harder, think longer and take an extra moment for gratitude. I admit that I haven't always done a very good job. This week has been... Emotional and trying for me so it's time for me to count my blessings.

We have the Little Car That Could. I know I just posted about this but I'm still grateful that I have it. When Branden told me this past Monday that he'd taken his car to the shop and the transmission was gone, I admit that I cried. But we still have a car. How blessed am I to have the money to own two cars. How blessed am I to have a family who, without a second thought, GAVE me a little car that meets my needs. How lucky am I to have found a husband who does everything in his power and learns new things to keep that car running. The Little Car That Could is many, many blessings rolled into one.

I have a husband who loves me. First off, I LOVE having a husband. Second, all those bitter people I met who told me that marriage changes everything were both right and wrong. Oh, things changed. There's a new sense of security, a permanence that means we'll both try our best because walking away isn't an option. With that, there's a renewed effort to meet needs. I'm not always good at this. Branden asks for little and most of what he asks for is not to give but to let be... I'm not good at letting be. I'm much better at giving. I do try, Love. (Yep, he reads this, too. Which brings me to how lucky I am to have a husband who cares about the things I write and wants to know my thoughts.) I appreciate the efforts I see him making to meet my needs and do the things I ask. I can be incredibly impatient and he still loves me and hugs me. And I love him, too, which makes life just that much better. :)

I have a bed. I don't remember the exact circumstances- maybe Katie does- but Katie's friend once told her that she should be thankful that she has a bed. That has stuck with me and I have shared it with others. If you have a bed that is yours, that means you have a place to live, a place to lay your head at night. It may not be the most amazing mattress ever made and it may not be in the most beautiful house but you have something others dream of. No matter how bad things get, no matter how much you think your life sucks, just remember and be thankful that you have a bed. I have a bed that I share with my husband- see above paragraph if you missed that I'm thankful for him- and even though the *insert strings of swear words here* cat peed on it yesterday and is never again allowed in the bedroom, the bed has been cleaned and there are fresh sheets and blankets on it. I am thankful for those sheets and blankets, as well, and the technology that allows me to get them washed and dried in a matter of a few hours rather than an entire day.

I have sisters who love me. I will admit here and now that I am horrendously jealous of a couple of them right now and it's been an emotional week because I want what they are going to have so badly BUT I still love them and they are sweet enough to include me in what is going on with their lives. I feel so lucky to have been able to develop the relationship that Chantelle and I have now. There was a time that I would have said we are too different to ever be close, but I would have been wrong. And I am so incredibly blessed to have the relationship that I have with Katie. I don't know if I do anywhere near the amount of stuff for her that she does for me and I can never repay her for all the love and understanding she sends my way. She's an amazing woman and when I called her to cry, she let me and helped me feel better as only she can. I am thankful for Bekkie and the knowledge and wisdom she has to share. We don't talk as often as we should but I enjoy every conversation. I am thankful for Carrie and all the support she has given me. I am thankful for Christina and the sweetness and love she has in her heart. I miss her hugs. I should note that I am also thankful for my brothers and their wives and my sisters' husbands but this is really about my sisters. :)

I know this isn't quite like my other Notably Positive posts but these are some things I've been thinking about. These things have brought me feelings of gratitude and I needed to share.

The Little Car That Could

First, I admit that I've been procrastinating posting because I need to post wedding pictures and every time that I go to post I feel guilty that I haven't yet... But things are happening and the pictures will get up and I'm not going to stop posting just because I've been picture-lazy. Now for the post!

We have two cars. Branden's car is newer than mine by seven years, it has A/C, it's an automatic and we thought it was more reliable. Now that we can carpool to work- Huzzah for saving money!- we've been driving his car to prolong the life of my car. As it turns out, his car really isn't more reliable and now needs a new transmission. Since that will cost more than the car is worth, we are going to try to sell it as a parts car and buy an new-to-us car which won't be any newer but will hopefully run better.

Until such time as we purchase a vehicle, we are back to driving the Little Car That Could. I seriously can't believe how much this car has been through. Nobody thought it would last this long and we've been expecting it to die for a while now. Just as a reminder, this is a 1991 Nissan Stanza with something like 240,000 miles on it. It's been through multiple drivers, at least one car accident, a deericide, many trips from Northern to Southern UT and back again, at least once weekly from Kamas to Ogden and back for 6 months, 1300 miles out to St. Louis and a 40 mile round trip 5 days a week for more than a year. And somehow it's hanging in there, if only just. It so reminds me of the little engine who chugged up the hill saying, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

That said, eventually it's going to give up. Please, everyone send good energy our way in whatever form you practice. We just need it to keep going, well, technically forever but no less than 6 months. :)

Where Is Fall?

Today is October 11, and fall is not in the air! Autumn is supposed to be cool and crisp. Yesterday's high was 87!!!! In fact, the last five days have been over 70 and getting warmer. After three days of coming home to a apt which was much hotter than the air outside, we finally turned the a/c on again... For the second time since we "turned it off for the year."

This is very disappointing to me. While I'm enjoying wearing my comfy flip flops just a little while longer, I'm not liking the fact that my favorite season is being barreled over by a summer that just won't end! Who wants to pull out the hot chocolate and start making soup when there's not even the need for a jacket? This is usually such a great time with leaves changing and the excitement of things to come but... It's hard to get in the mood when everyone is wearing shorts and sandals and there's no bite in the air.

I Know I Need To...

Ok, so I should post a blog about our wedding and I'm going to do it. I've even STARTED said blog. But it seems that most people really want to see pictures of my wedding and I don't really have any yet. I could steal a few from Mindy's blog or I could just link you to her post for now. In the future I WILL post a massive blog with pictures and thoughts. Right now, though, I want to write a bit about our life since returning from UT.

We got back to MO on Tuesday, September 28 and I started my new job on Wednesday, September 29. I feel like I've learned a lot in the last week and the experience that I have has helped. My boss is great about answering questions and guiding me when I need it. Today was my first day without a trainer helping me and I THINK I did a pretty good job.

Branden has started training for his new position. He says that he's looking forward to being able to actually help people. Getting up early is taking a toll on him but it's been great to have the extra time together. The best part of his being tired is that I get more cuddling. :)

On Monday I went to the Social Security office and applied for my new social security card. Then I went to the DMV and got my new driver's license with my new name. It's official, I have a new last name! I am Mrs. Stage... Oddly enough, the Mrs. is stranger to me than the Stage. I'm not any good at signing my last name, but I did make sure to sign the right one on my new license. So far the government, my new job and the library are the only ones to have my new last name on record. I'll have to go to the bank and fix bills, etc., this week and next.

Along the same lines, we are both enjoying being married but it hasn't changed a lot of things for either of us. Since we already lived together, there are no surprises like finding out that he doesn't put down the toilet seat by falling into the toilet at 2 AM. It hasn't been strange calling him my husband. In fact, it seems completely normal, as if I've been calling him my husband for years. On the other hand, there is a small thrill in telling someone, "Oh, my husband is calling me." It feels so nice to have a husband.

I Should Be Asleep

I'm not usually one who has a problem sleeping in when I can but this week I can't even sleep until my alarm goes off. It doesn't matter what time I was planning on getting up, either. Yesterday we were going to be up by 7 AM so we'd have plenty of time to get ready and get to the County Clerk's office. I was wide awake at 6:30. Today we were thinking we'd have a bit of a relaxed morning with breakfast at the hotel so 8 or 8:30 would be ok. Yep, 7:15 I was cuddled next to Branden trying to doze off again and 7:30 I gave up.

Branden doesn't seem to share my sleep troubles. Then again, Branden is very good at sleeping in and even better at putting things out of his mind to do so. Even when he does wake up earlier than he wishes to get out of bed, he can usually manage to roll over and drift away again... And if I'm in bed at that time I usually get a bit of cuddling and an early "I love you" out of his brief moment of wakefulness. :)

I don't feel like I'm extra stressed right now. I really feel out of the loop. I'm here and I haven't had a real chance to sit down with my sisters and find out what's going on. My mom and I have had a chance to talk, I tried on my dress with her and there are just a few things we need to get done. Branden's mom, Mary Jo, jumped right in and helped with the boutonnieres and had them under control in no time. I had a fun chat with Stacy while she dyed my hair and it was great to see two of her kids. Katie brought all the girls together at her house for an evening of food, talking and laughter. Chantelle gave me lots of hugs and made sure our room was ready for us. Of course, Rick'n'Abby gave us a warm welcome our first night and Rick showed me my cake toppers... They are both adorable so I'll be displaying both of them. I've had a lot of fun but I still am not sure exactly how ready we are for tomorrow.

Feeling out of the loop is no reason to be awake early so I have to think that I'm more stressed than I feel. I'm getting married tomorrow... Maybe I'm just too excited to sleep. It feels unreal and thrilling at the same time. After all this time, I'm getting married tomorrow. :)

"There's Only Two Things In This Life I Hate: Heights and Jumping From Them."

I'm not a leaper. I don't jump off things, I have no desire to sky dive or bungee jump and I dislike the feeling of falling even when I'm strapped in to a roller coaster. And I don't take leaps of faith.

My "leap"of faith often involves standing with my toes near the edge and thinking. Then I may move one foot until my big toe hangs over the edge and think some more. Then I move my foot back and keep thinking... This goes on for a while- Branden will tell you he feels it goes on for too long with too much thinking. By the time I've decided whether or not to leap, it's often too late to leap. Either that or I've thought of all the bad things never leap because I was too scared. Very few times in my life have I just leaped.

But today I leaped. I turned in my two-week notice at work. On Wednesday I found an ad on Craigslist, on Thursday I interviewed and was offered the job, on Friday I decided to accept the job... And today I quit. The thing is, I'm taking a pay cut BUT I'll be working at a cake shop and there are opportunities for advancement.

I am TERRIFIED. What if we can't make ends meet? What if I just made a terrible mistake? What if... All the other what-ifs out there.

One thing that I've avoided talking about on here, though, is how miserable I am at work... How rude my boss is to me and how she talks about me behind my back. I don't mention that no matter how hard I work or how happy a customer is with their cake, I have still done something wrong in her eyes and she will immediately insult me after I get a compliment. I haven't told you about the girl I snapped at in June who hasn't spoken to me since and who goes out of her way to make my job harder. I have purposely left out all the bad days that I cried on the way home and all the times that I've had to bite my tongue. I haven't said anything about all of that.

So today I leaped. I'll either fall or fly but either way, I've left the edge and I'm on my way to wherever I'm going. In the immortal words of Rizzo the Rat: "God Save My Little Broken Body!"

The Kind of Day I Can Feel Good About

Today was a successful day. There wasn't anything extra special that I managed to get done but I have completed everything in my to do list and just feel good.

I did laundry. I cleaned a little and took out garbage. I paid rent. I went grocery shopping... I LOVE grocery shopping, but that's another post. I baked chicken for sandwiches for this next week. (Yep, we're spoiled. I make our sandwiches from oven roasted lemon chicken instead of lunch meat.) I made chicken and rice for dinner- still a favorite after all these years. I started a checklist of things to be finished for our wedding and found some links to share to help my sisters and mom see some of my vision. Oh, and I sent out a mass email to my FB wedding group requesting addresses because my wedding is LESS THAN FOUR WEEKS AWAY and lots of people still haven't given us addresses.

All in all, a good day. Not a bad way to start my wedding month. HOLY COW!!! It's my wedding month, everyone! FINALLY! :)

Notably Positive

-Wedding planning is coming along. We bought our rings- the same titanium band for both of us. We bought shoes for both of us. We've purchased our plane tickets and booked our rental car. We've sent out lots of invitations- still have more to send, though. I've sent fabric to my mom and she is sewing a simple jacket for me. :) And many more things that I cannot recall at this time. All of this doesn't prevent me from having wedding nightmares, but it has changed them... Unfortunately, now most of my wedding nightmares involve Branden leaving me just before the wedding. BUT this is a notably POSITIVE blog so I shouldn't dwell on the nightmares. In good news, Branden has assured me many times that he has no intentions to leave me. :)

-I made potato soup from scratch for the first time ever today. I had leftover baked potatoes that I needed to use and remembered that my mom makes her potato soup from such leftovers. I called her up and she was kind enough to share her potato-soup-making insights with me. All the recipes I'd seen online seemed fairly complicated but my mom's was simple and it turned out deliciously! I realize that most of you moms have probably made things much more impressive than potato soup- ok, I suppose that I have, too- but since I've never made potato soup before, I feel a great sense of accomplishment.

-Branden got a job in a different department at work. He'll start training in mid-September and by mid-October he'll be on a different schedule. In this new department, he'll always be off work by 8 PM. His current schedule has him off work at 9PM, which is a vast improvement to his former schedule of leaving work at midnight. Still, I look forward to the guarantee of at least one extra hour with him.

I can't remember the rest of the positive things I've thought I needed to write about recently. I'm sure I'll remember some later and I'll write another post then. :)

Third Anniversary

Today was Branden and my third anniversary... And I JUST remembered!

I feel a little guilty but I think he forgot, too, so I'm trying to use that to temper my guilt a little. There's just been so much going on with the wedding planning and everything else... I was sitting here on the couch thinking about Halloween candy- don't ask- which made me think that Halloween was our engagiversary but this year it won't mean quite the same thing as we'll already be married and then a terrible feeling washed over me. I looked down at my phone and, sure enough, today is August 18!

Three years ago today, I was wandering around Smith's (the grocery store) with Branden while talking to Rick on the phone when Branden referred to himself as my "idiot boyfriend." Up until that point, he'd been pretty firm that he was my roommate and, even though I knew we were going to be more, he still needed time to decide. Needless to say, his statement distracted me from my conversation with Rick. I turned to Branden and asked, "Are you my idiot boyfriend, then?" As it turns out, he was! :) I know, it's a SUPER romantic story.

I guess we've just been too busy looking toward the future to celebrate this step in time. It's our last dating anniversary. I'm a little sad, but it was probably inevitable that this anniversary would be overlooked. The next big one will be our one year wedding anniversary.

*Update* Branden came home and, it turns out, he did indeed forget our anniversary as well. At least I'm not the only one!

Last Shot... First One In That Spot

Today I went to the doctor and was injected with my last birth control shot maybe ever. That's right, this shot will last into November and then it's time to let my cycle come back and, hopefully, get a family going. :) I like to think that I have accepted that this may take a while... I'm sure none of you will be surprised if I get impatient and realize that I actually haven't accepted anything.

Back to the shot, though: Every, and I mean EVERY single birth control shot I've ever received has been in my arm. Yeah it hurts and I have a bit of a dead arm for a day or two but it's what I've always done so it's what I planned on doing again. Nope! Apparently, I was given the wrong syringe for that when my prescription was filled so this time I got a shot to the butt. At first I thought, "Wow, I barely felt that! That wasn't so bad."

I was SO WRONG!!! Holy burning buttcheek, Batman! I literally took two steps and the entire top half of the left side of my nether-region began burning like I'd been injected with some kind of acid. It stopped burning after ten minutes or so only to be replaced by a deep ache. It hurts to move, it hurts to sit, it hurts to stand still, it just hurts in general! What the crap?!?! Compared to this, the dead-ish arm was a breeze!

What's Wronng With Our Refrigerator?

For the last few days something strange has been happening in my refrigerator. Three times I have gone to get my carrots out of the fridge and found that they were frozen. Each time they were in a different place but always near the front. Today I pulled eggs out and the two left in one carton were frozen- also in a different place than the carrots, this time near the back- but the eggs in the carton below were all fine. What is happening?! I guess I should have realized that eggs can freeze in-shell but it was quite the surreal experience to crack an egg and have the whole raw egg stay in one half when the shell was pulled apart... Twice.

I cleaned out the fridge and Branden turned down the temp in the freezer 'cuz he said it would help. Incidentally, nothing else in the fridge was frozen. Our fridge is now dramatically emptier- can't believe what a difference removing a few things makes!- and now we wait and see what happens next. I've never had a fridge that froze just one thing and nothing else. Has this sort of thing ever happened to any of you?

Early Morning Adventures

Early this morning, around 2 in-the-AM, Branden and I went outside so he could smoke. He locked the door of our apartment behind us and we headed down the stairs. Once outside, Branden got in his car and was looking around. He then got out, locked the door and shut it. He stood there for a second then looked at me and asked if I'd brought my keys... No, no, I didn't. And there were his keys, sitting nicely on the seat of his locked car.

It was after 2 AM and we were locked out of the car and the apartment. We had no cell phones and no keys. I won't deny that I kinda laughed a bit- it may have had a slightly manic sound to it, but it was STILL laughter!

After a quick check of the apartment building basement to see if we could find something that would help us unlock the car and coming up empty-handed, we considered our options. It came down to spending the night outside in the heat and humidity and getting someone to let us in after the office opened or walking to QuikTrip to call a locksmith. Neither option was great but walking to QuikTrip seemed best and, thankfully, Branden had his wallet so we could buy something to drink and get change for a pay phone. So we made the 1/4 mile walk to QuikTrip, which actually wasn't entirely un-enjoyable. I used to restroom- thank you for your always open restrooms, QT!- and Branden called a locksmith.

Back to the apartment we walked to wait for the locksmith. In the absence of watches/clocks/cell phones, time was doing funny things and it was hard to guess how much time had passed. We leaned on the dew-covered car and waited, and waited, and waited. There was a surprising amount of traffic and goings-on at our apartments even though it was between 2 and 3 AM. The locksmith finally arrived and in less than a minute he had the car door open and Branden had the keys in-hand. Amazingly, we paid only $80 for this early morning service.

By 3:30 AM we were back inside with the A/C. Needless to say, as we crawled into bed at 4 AM we decided to scrap our morning plans and sleep in.

Postponing MN

Branden talked to his mom yesterday and asked me last night if it would be ok with me if we postponed our Minnesota reception. OK?! YES!!!!!

I've been trying to tell him that the weekend after our wedding wasn't a good idea for the MN reception for a while now. I didn't want to take that much time off work all at once and the thought of trying to juggle all of this was starting to stress me out. I feel like I can take a deep breath and focus on just one thing now.

Our wedding is two months and four days away. I feel like I should be doing more but there's just not a lot that I can do. Branden mailed off the package to UT and it is now in Katie's capable hands. Invitations will be handed out to family this week. :) I'm hoping that's the only package to mail, but it probably won't be.

I need to mail out other invitations and may be handing that work over to our good friend Amy who has asked that I let her stuff and send them- it's hard to say no when someone wants to do the more boring work. :P I've talked to Kazia about the cake,, though I should talk to her again. (Kazia, I guess I need to talk to you so expect to hear from me soon.) There are still some things to buy in the way of clothing but the important stuff is done. I need to order the desserts as well but that needs to wait a month or so. We do still need someone to do the actual marrying... Guess that's the next thing to get done!

Letters From My Mom

My mom has begun sending out letters. Not emails. Actual letters, in envelopes, with stamps. The first two she sent were written to the family and included copies of emails from James. I enjoyed getting those- who doesn't like getting mail that isn't bills or junk?- but this last one was the best of all.

My mom wrote me a letter at the cabin. I mean, she took the time to sit with a pen and paper and write out a letter just for me. It's been a long time since I've received such a letter and I forgot how much they mean. It's so much more than an email or typed letter... It's a piece of her on that paper. It's not incredibly long, it isn't filled with flowery words or prose, it's just a simple letter written in my mother's handwriting and it means the world to me that she took time out of her life to write and send it. I love you, Mom.

Mastodon State Park

Branden and I went for a drive today to see what we could discover. We saw a sign for Mastodon State Park and decided we must go there immediately... It was a good plan. As it turns out, there's a dig site something like 15 miles from our house where paleontologists have found bones from mastodons and other pre-historic megafauna. The site is currently covered over but there is a museum and some walking trails that take you to the site.

Here we are in front of the mastodon skeleton.

Here is the skeleton without us... I know that's what you really wanna see anyway. :P

This display explains the differences between mammoths and mastodons. Essentially, mammoths are larger and ate grass while mastodons are smaller and ate leaves and twigs. Also, the mastodon evolved first.

This is just a picture I like that Branden took.

The giant ground sloth was living in what is now Missouri at the same time as the mastodons. They were four feet tall and ten feet long when walking on all fours.

This is me above the dig site. You can't tell here, but I'm half-way up something like 138 stairs. As it turns out, we hiked around and ended up having to climb these stairs twice. That may not seem like a lot to those of you who are skinny, fit women but, not being one of you, I chose to not look up and just put my foot on the next step and the next one. I obviously made it. :)

A view of the walking path. It looks really pretty, and it was, but it was also 100 degrees and 80% humidity.

All in all, a good- maybe slightly sweaty- trip. Just one more thing to add to my list of places to take people who come visit me. :)

Oh, Hobby Lobby...

Oh, Hobby Lobby, my friendliest of foes.

Among your aisles can be found a treasure trove of items to tempt a woman whose brain has been replaced by wedding bells.

You invite me in from the humid heat of St. Louis with an inviting, air conditioned breeze and immediately set my head spinning with shelves stocked full of autumn themed decor. Your plethora of harvest bowls, platters and pitchers mock me with the impossibility and price of shipping. Your intricate metal and glass tabletop pumpkins outright laugh in my face.

Your 50% off ribbon sales blind me to prices. 50% off is such a good deal! I thwarted you, however, and only spent $20!... On ribbon alone. Unfortunately, you still won since I purchased $20 worth of ribbon but still was unable to find the ONE roll of ribbon I'm hunting for: dark brown, satin ribbon.

But I cannot dislike you entirely because you did provide the adorable pumpkin-shaped pillow that I'll be using as a ring pillow. You and I have begun a love-hate relationship that I see lasting a LONG time.

Notably Positive

It's time for another one!

-This one is mostly positive: I bought gas for $2.39 on Friday. :) I realize that the high gas prices have conditioned me to think that any price under $2.50 is a good gas price but still... I was so excited to buy gas for under $2.40 that I hummed the whole time I was filling up. I thought that I had surely managed to buy gas at the low for once... And then I noticed on Saturday that gas was down to $2.37 at a gas station that was not CostCo meaning that I STILL didn't manage to get gas at the lowest price. Oh, well, such is my luck. :P

-We finished and printed our wedding invitations. We went through so many different designs that the final product isn't at all what we were planning and, unfortunately, we didn't even end up using the picture that I needed Mindy to photoshop... Though we did use some others that she touched up. Due to a long story, Branden's mom is sending out invitations for the MN reception and there is now no mention of it whatsoever on our wedding invites. Although they are not what I originally wanted them to be, we paid a grand total of $30 to get them printed and cut and they will do the job so I'm not going to bother with a lot of complaining. Now to get them in envelopes and sent off!

-The Nasties moved out! After an entire year of listening to them fight, move furniture, build stuff and/or clean in the middle of the night, yell at children and just be awful people in general, they are gone! I will admit that we'll miss the Jerry Springer entertainment factor but I won't miss having my sleep interrupted by their lack of consideration for others. No longer will their (not-apt-approved) dog howl for hours on end when nobody is home, no longer will I hear the children cry but never laugh, no longer will I spend time trying to decide if what is happening below constitutes as abuse or just very loud, ineffective attempts at parenting. I have a hard time believing that the next people to move in could be worse so I'm hoping for the best.

-Last year, Branden's friend invited us to spend July 4th with his family. They were kind enough to invite us back again this year. We had a great time eating food off the grill and lighting off fireworks. I even got to hold a baby and he fell asleep in my arms... I want a sweet baby!

Car Saga: The Most Recent Edition

Well, my car broke down yet again last Monday but we have hope that it's the last time for a little while. It's a really long story but the basic gist is that the car wouldn't start on Monday so Branden had to call in to work. I came home an hour early and took him to the parts store. Turns out that he couldn't fix it so we had to tow it to the Meineke... Not my first choice but we really didn't HAVE a choice.

It turns out that that mass air flow sensor had gone out. Branden says that it's a sensor that measures the amount of air coming into the engine and, as we discovered, the car can't drive if it's not working. So another $350 later, the car is fixed once again and is driving better than it has in months.

Branden took it to another shop on Friday to get the inspection done and then the two of us went to get it registered. So now I'm legally driving my car to and from work which is bittersweet: Sweet because I like driving my small car and bitter because it doesn't have a/c and St. Louis has been SUPER hot and humid recently. Let's hope this is the end of my car saga for a little while.

My First Doctor Visit In A VERY Long Time

I went to the doctor today. No worries, I just went to have my womanly bits checked and discuss the fact that I want babies in the near future. Things are looking good so far. I asked for a prescription for prenatal vitamins and he told me I'm smart for getting ready in advance. :)

I told him about the bruises I've been getting and he told me that we'd get some blood drawn and do a blood count to be sure that my iron and platelets are fine. I'm not really concerned but it's better to be safe... Plus I promised Branden that I'd talk to the doctor. :P

The nurse was going to draw my blood so she looked at both of my arms and said, "Great, you don't have any veins." I assured her that yes, I do, you can see them all over on my thighs... She didn't think I was as funny as I thought I was. She then proceeded to show me what a "normal arm" WITH VEINS looks like. As it turns out, I don't have veins and she poked me at random once then gave up. I guess I have to go back tomorrow or sometime next week before 5 to get poked by the pro-vein-poker. I can already see how this is going to affect the rest of my life. My only consolation will be that I have very pretty arms. :)

Our Most Recent Car Saga

For the last four or so months, something has been wrong with my car. It's really hard to describe what is wrong, just that there's this kinda sporadic jerking/jolting feeling, the idle is rough- almost like the car could stall out at any moment- and the exhaust has had a strong gas smell. I told Branden about these things but he really didn't experience them for himself until he started driving my car.

His first guess was that it had something to do with fuel- pump, filter, etc. So we started with the cheapest and fastest fix: fuel injector cleaner. No luck. Replacing the spark plugs helped a little but still didn't fix the problem. Next he replaced the fuel filter and once again things improved a little. The last, and most expensive, repair Branden took on was replacing the fuel pump. This time there was hardly any difference and Branden felt it was time to take it to a pro. His new guess was specifically the catalytic converter.

Before I go any further, I'd like to take the time to point out how nice it is to have Branden around. Not only is he just handy in general, he's not afraid to look in the book or look it up online and see if he can do something he's never done before. Most importantly, he knows when to admit that he's in over his head and he can't do it himself. I really do appreciate all that he's done to keep this car running until we can afford another one. I also have to admit that I maybe rely on him a little more than I should at times BECAUSE I know he's such a capable guy. Sometimes this makes him lose patience with me because I want him to do things I can do myself... This is not one of those things/times, though. I am so grateful to have him in my life.

Monday night after Branden got off work we dropped the car and a key at the Meineke near our apt. so they could look at it first thing Tuesday morning. Yesterday we woke up to Branden's phone ringing and the news that, yes, it was indeed the catalytic converter AND the flex pipe that ran from the engine to the converter. They wanted $390 to fix it... So much for saving more money for the wedding. :S We did some calling around- including calling a different Meineke who quoted $50 less!- and chose the muffler shop who left Branden with the best feeling. (We don't trust the Meineke near our house for anything more than an oil change since they tried to convince me that my less-than-one-year-old radiator had gone bad and needed to be replaced. In fact, we wouldn't have taken the car there AT ALL given a better choice.)

We got dressed and ready for work, drove the car over to the shop and car pooled to work- something that can only happen on the one night a week that I close the bakery. When the car was finished, they left Branden a voice mail and he was able to call in his debit card number. Conveniently- and adding much to our trust of this shop- they charged us EXACTLY what they quoted and didn't try to up-sell. After we were both off work, we picked up the car and Branden drove it home... And he says something is still wrong. Things have improved DRAMATICALLY but something's still not quite right. *sighs* Back to the drawing board.

The car is 20 years old and I haven't driven it yet but maybe the thing that isn't right is just old car syndrome??? You know the one: things shake and rattle because they're old and not because anything's really broken. One can always hope.

Notably Positive

There are lots of good things that happen in my life but they are often small things that aren't much of a blog on their own. Because of this, I seem to skip writing them. This shouldn't be so! I should be trying to write all the good things so I can remember them! In a effort to remedy this problem, I have decided to start a Notably Positive segment. Each one will be a collection of good things that have happened recently. With no further ado, my first Notably Positive blog:

-JC Penney has come through for us again! We went to Men's Wearhouse to get Branden measured for his suit... Then went to JC Penney, bought a sale suit using a coupon and paid a grand total of $117. :) It's a black pinstripe and he looks quite dashing in it. Now we need the shirt- I still can't decide if it should be cream or colored- tie and shoes.

-While on the shopping trip to buy the suit, we stopped by Lane Bryant for me. I purchased new work pants and finally spent the gift card my parents gave me for Christmas. My new pants are one size SMALLER than my last pair of work pants! I was feeling that my weight loss was stagnating but buying smaller pants has made me feel a little better. :)

-Earlier this week I reconnected with an old friend on Facebook. We knew each other in college and have lost touch for a few years. It was so exciting to find her and even more exciting to find out that she's married to an awesome guy.

-Yesterday at work a twenty-something guy told me that I smelled really good. Admittedly, I was decorating and had just drizzled fudge down the sides of a bunch of cakes so I no doubt smelled like chocolate... But it still made me feel good and giggly.

-Mindy, being the amazing woman that she is, touched up some of our invitation pictures and added the proper wording to one of the signs. The invitations are almost done now and we should be able to print them and start getting them mailed off sometime in the next week or two. Thanks so much for your help, Mindy! You saved us another trip to the photo booth!

-Our wedding cake plans have been finalized and Kazia, another amazing woman I am privileged to know, has agreed to the design. :) I'm not sure what to say about it because I do want a FEW parts of our plans to be a surprise to some- obviously Kazia knows and Katie knows as well because I can't keep ANYTHING from her. :) I'll just say that it's a fairly simple design and very much our style.

Wedding Nightmares

I began having wedding nightmares a couple of weeks ago. In the first nightmare, it was the day of the wedding and I didn't have anything but my dress. No shoes, no underthings, no suit for Branden, no cake, no... Well, if it wasn't the wedding dress then I didn't have it. I spent much of my dream scrambling around trying to get things done before my ceremony... And I didn't have a ceremony site, either!

My most recent nightmare has left a bit of a mental scar. I dreamed that it was a few days until my wedding and my hair was falling out. There was a very large bald spot on the back of my head but nobody told me. When I discovered it, I had a huge breakdown. The worst part was, even though it was a dream, I could feel the bald spot! I woke up and immediately checked the back of my head. I had this dream a few days ago, but I still feel the need to periodically reach up and feel the back of my head to be sure I'm not missing hair.

I've had a few other nightmares, but these two have left the biggest impact. Most of my nightmares are pretty far from reality. We've actually finalized quite a bit recently so, while we're still not completely ready, I don't really need to worry about the first dream coming true. As far as the last dream goes, it make sense that I would dream about my hair as I've been debating getting it colored and possibly trimmed before the wedding. I'm less concerned about coloring it right now as Stacy can always dye it. I'm more concerned about getting a trim- which I DESPERATELY need- and ending up with my hair 5 or 6 inches shorter than it is right now... Hence the hair stress. So far, I haven't had a dream about getting left at the altar or anything like that so at least I can say that's obviously not one of my worries. :)

Please tell me that one or two of you had wedding nightmares, as well.

The Last Friday

I've tried not to write very much about this but if you're a person who talks to me on a fairly regular basis then you've heard what I'm about to write.

For the last six months Branden has worked the 3PM to midnight shift. Since I work mostly morning shifts this has limited the amount of time we have been able to spend together. Since I'm usually off work on Sunday, I've been able to stay up late Saturday nights to see him after he gets off work. I've been able to see him for a few hours on Sunday before he leaves for work. If I was closing on Tuesday- I usually do- then I could stay awake and see him for about half an hour Monday night and would stay up again Tuesday night since I was off work on Wednesday. He was also off work on Wednesday so I'd see him all day and again after I got off work on Thursday.

And then there was Friday, the worst day of the week. Almost every Friday morning for the last six months has found me fully dressed, ready to walk out the door, but sitting on the edge of the bed dragging out my good-bye to Branden... A good-bye he almost never remembers. If there's a morning that I'm going to steal a few extra kisses, it's Friday. If there's a morning that I'm going to hug his sleeping body longer, it's Friday. If there's a morning that I'm going to try to get a real response from him, it's Friday. And what's so different about Friday? It's the one day during the week that I know the only time I'll spend with Branden is the morning good-bye. I won't lie to you, I'm pathetic. More than once I have cried on my way to work on a Friday morning.

I am fully aware of the fact that there are women out there who have military husbands gone for many months at a time. My dad worked international business for much of my young childhood and he and my mom would go weeks without seeing each other and didn't even get to talk every day. I will tell you now, those other women are stronger than I am. I don't know how they do it but they deserve a giant hug for figuring it out. Branden is my best friend and, aside from coworkers, he's the only person I see on a regular basis... And I'm a pathetic, lonely mess without him.

But Fridays won't be bad days anymore! Branden's shift is changing at the beginning of next week. He'll work noon to 9 PM and his days off will be Friday and Sunday. We'll still get a day off together most of the time and I will see him EVERY NIGHT! This is the last Friday that I'll spend the entire evening alone. :)

Summer Is Pretty Much Here

The heat and humidity have officially come to stay. We turned on our air conditioning for the first time a couple weeks ago, but these last two days have been the first that we've kept it on day and night. Our apartment is an oasis of cool but the moment we walk out the door we feel the heat.

I've been driving Branden's car and he's driving mine- there's a reason for this but it's a long story I may tell after things are figured out. His car has air conditioning but mine doesn't. I feel a little guilty about this. Next week his schedule changes, though, so he won't be driving in the worst heat of the day anymore. If things get sorted out, he'll be back to driving his car in a little while. To tell the truth, I kinda miss my little car, even if it doesn't have a/c. His car is a 1998 Crown Victoria... A boat in comparison to my tiny Nissan.

I love the green of St. Louis but I don't love the humidity. Oh, well, I am here so I may as well make the best of it. I'm looking forward to all the fun summer things we'll do and may even manage to post more blogs with pictures. Speaking of which, I need to post some of our trip to Grant's Farm... Maybe tomorrow. :P

A Bad Position For Branden

I want to share this both so you can know what a great guy Branden is and so I can remember this moment in the future.

A week or so ago we were in the car with the windows down when I caught a glimpse of myself in the side mirror. My hair was sticking out all over and I was smiling my double chin smile. I immediately began thinking bad things about myself. And then I began SAYING bad things about myself. Something along the lines of, "Holy Cow! I look terrible! I bet people see us on the street and wonder why you're with ME. I'm messy and chubby." That sort of thing.

After listening to me for a little while Branden said to me, "You're putting me in a bad position."

"What?"

"You're putting me in a bad position."

"How so?"

"You're saying bad things about the woman I'm going to marry. I would normally punch somebody who was saying bad things about the woman I'm going to marry but you ARE the woman I'm going to marry and I won't punch you. So you've put me in a bad position."

Never before had I thought of it that way. I'm accustomed to making little jokes or depreciatory comments about my weight and appearance but every time I do I'm saying something bad about the woman that Branden loves. He's right, I am putting him in a bad position. Not only am I insulting her, I'm making the woman he loves feel less of herself every time I do it. It's time to stop. I can't promise perfection, but for his sake and her's I'm going to try.

He loves me and wants me to be happy. It's the very least I can do.

Chocolate Milk for Me! :)

I am lactose sensitive. Not exactly intolerant, since I can eat cheese without many problems and ice cream in moderation and I eat a yogurt for breakfast nearly every day. However, I cannot drink milk... AT ALL! Even a couple ounces makes me horrendously ill and, believe me, you don't want to be around me at such times. My mom once made me hot chocolate with milk in it... BAD! I was sick most of the rest of the day and part of the next.

Unfortunately, I look at soy milk and see how much more it costs than regular milk and I can't bring myself to buy it. The soy milk at CostCo is reasonably priced but I only want it for drinking and they only had the plain stuff- Gross!- until the last time we were there. The CostCo near my house now carries cases of chocolate Silk milk-boxes! :) Now I can pop one of these cute little boxes in my refrigerator and have chocolate milk when I crave it. I honestly cannot tell you how long I've been wanting chocolate milk but making excuses not to buy it because of the price... At least since Christmas. Even better, my CostCo coupons include one for $3 off a case of chocolate Silk! Hooray! Getting more calcium just got easier. :)

Invitation Photos

Branden and I took our invitation photos yesterday. Part of me wants them to be a surprise BUT a bigger part of me wants to tell you about them. :)

As before stated, I'm really not photogenic. Posed pictures just don't work well for me. Aside from that fact, we are too poor to hire a professional photographer. But, honestly, there's an even bigger reason we went for the pictures we did. See, there are maybe three dozen pictures of Branden and I that have been taken in the nearly three years we've been together. Of those pictures, at least 2/3 have been taken in photo booths. So...

Yesterday we went to an old fashioned photo booth that we know of and spent 2 hours and took 80 pictures. At first all I could see was how dumb I looked in all the pictures but then I started having fun. We started laughing and the smiles got real and, even though I'm still not photogenic, the pictures improved. Now I can't wait to send out our photoshopped-together strips of pictures to invite everyone to our very special, very Amber-and-Branden celebration... Which reminds me that I'm going to need some addresses pretty soon. :)

May Is Passing Too Fast Already!

Just a super quick blog to let you know I'm still alive:

We got Branden's new laptop. He LOVES it! The screen is bigger, the graphics are better and it's faster than his old one.... Which is working out just fine for me as this screen is bigger, the graphics are better and it's faster than MY old one. Upgrades all around, HUZZAH!

I lost another 5 lb and celebrated by making cheesecake. Ok, that's not really how it went. I baked a half-chocolate/half-vanilla/semi-marbled cheesecake for a cookout we were going to attend that didn't end up happening. THEN I found out that I'd lost another 5 lb (my work pants are getting really loose!) and decided to go ahead and eat a slice of cheesecake anyway. I've explained to many people, I'm not on a diet, I've just made a couple of diet changes. I still allow myself to have sweets but I pay attention to serving sizes and give Branden the big slice of cheesecake. (Still wishing he'd gain an ounce or two of straight-up, 100% fat.)

We went back to City Museum with my new camera and played in a part we've never played in before. I also discovered the river otters and kinkajou in the aquarium. Pictures will follow.

Chantelle is being super helpful with wedding stuff and I am hoping to have more info VERY soon. We attempted to set our invitation plans in motion but things didn't quite work out. We'll try again next week (I don't have another day off of work until Wed the 12th) and maybe this time it'll work.

That's about it for now!

Broken

I knew it was going to happen, but it's still frustrating now that it has: My laptop is dead. :(

Most of the things on there are also on our file server- yep, we've got our very own little network thanks to Branden and his impressive computer knowledge- so I won't be losing pictures or anything like that. On the other hand, all the links that I'd bookmarked for wedding ideas are gone. Not to mention the fact that I've lost a lot of other links to things like recipes and interesting websites. Branden thinks he may be able to get something off the hard drive so maybe I haven't lost it all.

Branden has wanted a laptop for a long time but we've been putting it off. Now mine is broken and... I know it's a luxury to have two computers but we're accustomed to having two. So instead of giving Branden the gift that I've been planning on buying him, I'm going to give him the money that I would have spent and he'll use some of his tax return to buy himself a new laptop and I'll take this one. His new laptop won't be the best one in the world but it'll be faster than this one. And this one is faster than my old one so we're both upgrading. :) I don't really need a fast computer for the things I do. I'll just be happy to be able to watch a video without it freezing up half-way through.

It's My Birthday

Maybe tomorrow I'll write about feelings and thoughts... Maybe. Today I just wanna write that my birthday has been both rough and great.

Branden got me a digital camera so there's a chance that there will be more pictures posted on my blog in the future. Don't expect anything amazing but... You know, everyday pictures. We've been talking about getting a lighter camera powered by batteries instead of a battery pack but I really wasn't expecting one for my birthday. I've sort of had cameras in the past. My first was just a point and shoot 35mm. It sucked! I bought a digital camera years ago but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get pictures onto the computer so I gave up on it. I'm excited for a new start with a new camera and the help of my amazing fiance when I can't figure things out on my own.

I'm not photogenic, I never have been. Branden IS photogenic but, ironically, he's always the one taking pictures. I'm looking forward to taking some pictures of him for a change. :)

Too Much of a Good Thing

When I decided to attempt to make healthy life changes, I thought I'd focus on trying to get more calcium- everyone needs calcium- and more fiber. Fiber helps lower bad cholesterol and helps you to feel full longer. I thought it would be hard to get enough fiber... Turns out I was wrong.

Here are some of the foods I've been eating:
Fiber One Bars- 35% of my DV of fiber per bar
Baby Carrots- 8% per serving (I eat at least two servings a day)
Flat Out Multi-Grain Wraps with Fiber and Omega 3- 31% per wrap
Roasted Red Pepper Hummus- 12% per 2 Tbs
Triscuits- 12% per serving
Bagel Thins- 16% per bagel
Low Fat Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream Bars- 20% per bar
Green Bell Peppers- 5% per approx 1/2 c
Steamed Broccoli- 10% per 1/2 c
Romaine Lettuce- 3% per 1/2 c

Now, I don't eat every one of these every day but I do eat many of them each day. For instance, a Fiber One bar is part of my breakfast at least five days a week. I eat carrots every day and go through at least two 16oz bags each week. I either eat a bagel thin or a wrap for lunch and I always include green bell peppers and some lettuce with hummus as a spread. If I use the wraps for dinner instead of lunch, say to make burritos, I always have two. It adds up fast... A little too fast. If you assume that I ate everything except the broccoli and the bagel thin and only had one wrap then I got about 134% of my fiber for one day. Is it any wonder that I was sick to my stomach yesterday?... Not in the gross way, just in the crampy, yucky feeling way.

Branden says I need to ease off a little and add good things in slowly. He's probably right. I thought that by making my lunch with a bagel thin today wouldn't be adding any more fiber so my stomach could calm down a little. Yeah, that was before I looked at the package and found out that I'd just eaten 16% instead of 31%... Not enough of a difference to even take me down to 100%. CRAP! I'll either get the hang of this or I'll get used to this. One way or the other, I'll never again believe people who say it's hard to get enough fiber in your daily diet. Now I need to work on a couple other nutrients!

I Don't Know What To Name This Post

This is my third take on this particular blog. It's hard for me to get these words right, but I've realized that part of my problem is that I'm trying to put too much information in here without being too specific... See? Problem. Here goes, third time's a charm.

There's a girl a couple years older than I am who picks up hours in our bakery. She's a nice person but she's going through some tough times. She's decided to divorce her husband of 10 years and she's bitter... Very, very, very bitter. Bitter beyond bitter. Every time I see her she asks me if I'm sure I want to marry Branden, if I know what I'm getting into, if I REALLY think this is a good idea, etc. She also asks why we had such a long engagement and other questions she shouldn't be asking.

Whatever the answers to her questions may be, my life is none of her business. By the time we get married, Branden and I will have been engaged for nearly two years and, no matter the reasons, it was a decision we made together. There was compromise involved- I would have been fine with a shorter engagement and really wanted to be married before we moved- but I'm not unhappy with the way things have turned out.

I feel like she's being very rude and I have a strong desire to yell at her. Yes, Branden and I have had our fair share of problems- maybe more than our fair share- but she has no right to judge my relationship just because her's is falling apart. I feel like she's attempting to project her issues into my life. She's never met Branden, she knows very little about my actual relationship and yet she thinks that because we've had some similar problems she MUST know what my relationship is like and where it's headed. Yeah, it was hard when Branden didn't have a job but, unlike her soon-to-be-ex, he GOT a job and is now working 40 hrs a week doing something that wasn't his first choice in jobs! Not very surprisingly, a large weight has been lifted since he began working again and many of our problems have been vastly improved.

There are a couple reasons that I don't write about fights and problems on here all that often. The first is that it wouldn't be fair as it's part of Branden's life as well and I can only tell my side. The second, and most important, is that I don't need every person I've ever met weighing in on my relationship. There are people I go to when Branden and I have problems- thank you for always being there for me and not judging, Katie- and they get to say what they feel needs to be said. I don't always like what is said but these are also people who give their thoughts and then still let me live my life with nary an I-told-you-so. Aside from these amazing people, I have no need for more input. Don't take it personally if you're not one of them... You probably have enough of your own problems to deal with without taking on mine and it doesn't mean I don't care about you or value your thoughts. It's just, as this girl is proving, there is such a thing as too many opinions.

New Goals... Again

I'm a little wary to post this since as soon as I do something is going to happen. Still, good news is worth sharing so... I'll go ahead and post.

I have lost no less than 25 lbs since August... Without starving myself or working out.

I say no less than since I was weighed at the doctor's office in August and they said I actually weighed ten pounds more than I thought I did. Since I'm weighing myself on my scale and I know that my scale claimed that I weighed... I'm not going to tell you how much my scale said I weighed! Let's just say that I weighed myself just over a year ago when I decided to exercise in an effort to get ready for my wedding and I weighed A LOT.

I began a walking routine and lost about five pounds in a little less than a month but was thrown off track by the flu, losing my job and moving. Since arriving in St. Louis, my "walking routine" has been walking around the zoo with Branden, wandering around malls with Branden, walking around various parts of St. Louis with Branden, exploring and climbing at City Museum with Branden and walking up the stairs to our apt... Sometimes with Branden. As you can tell, I'm not doing anything more than enjoying my new city with my handsome fiance. So I gained back the five pounds that I'd lost and possibly gained another ten pounds. I'm still pretty skeptical about that last ten pounds as it's HIGHLY unlikely that I lost 35 lbs.

Last month, Branden needed to weigh himself and it turns out that he weighs 145 lbs... And he's 6'5". Even if he's only 6'4" as he claims, that's really not much. Out of curiosity, I weighed myself at the same time and that's when I learned that I'd lost the first 20 lbs. I'd suspected that I'd lost some weight as my pants have seemed a little loose but I wasn't expecting that much. Then last Sunday I decided to weigh myself again, expecting that I'd probably gained a little weight. As you can imagine, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw I'd lost another 5 lbs. I am still sickened by the weight difference between myself and Branden but at least I'm slowly closing the gap. I will never be as thin as he is- I think the last time I weighed 145 I was fourteen or so- but, let's face it, he's thinner than some of the starving children in Africa.

There are two big habit changes I've made in the last year. 1) I eat a breakfast of light yogurt and a Fiber One bar five days a week. 2) I pack my own lunch and include things like carrots, Fruitables juice and fruit-replacement fruit snacks.

When I worked at the catering company, I would sometimes eat breakfast but many times it wasn't a priorty and I'd just snack on whatever leftovers we had at work. Then the guys would make us lunch using whatever we had on hand and whatever had come back from parties. This often included pasta, heavy sauces and salads with TONS of extra ingredients that usually weren't vegetables. We snacked all day long and my weight showed it. Now I am making an effort to include at least a few healthy choices in each meal. Do I get all if my fruit and vegetable servings? No but I'm trying to get more servings in than I had before. Just to be clear, I still eat cookies and chips and I pack myself ONE fun-size candy bar with my lunch. So I haven't cut out treats, I just pay attention to serving size and aim for slightly healthier choices.

Seeing what just a diet change can do for me, I have decided to make another exercise goal. I went out and bought exercise pants, shoes and sports bras- nothing like new things to make exercise more exciting- and will be using them three times a week. Maybe not as many times as recommended, but I'm making baby steps. Last night was my first session in our apt complex fitness room and my thighs are feeling it today! Unfortunately, the backs aren't so I need to figure out what to do to work that area as it's much more of a problem than the front of my thighs. I am not making a weight loss goal, only an exercise goal. If I lose more weight, HOORAY! If I don't then at least I know I'm helping my heart and hopefully toning a little.

No More Taxes This Year

Every year I swear to myself that I'll get my taxes done early. During January I wait for my W-2s and gather tax info that I'll need to file. During February I remind myself over and over that I need to file but it's a very busy month and I make the excuse that there's still plenty of time. By March I'm starting to feel more urgency but I continue to make excuses to put it off. Suddenly it's April 1st and I realize that I haven't yet filed.

Today is April 11 and I e-filed my taxes last night. Yet again, I put things off but at least it's all finished now. Branden took the things that need to be mailed to the mailbox on his way to work today. I have to pay $2 to the state of Missouri. You'd think they'd ignore such a small amount but they won't so I wrote the check and it'll be picked up by the postman tomorrow.

This is my last year filing as a single person. Next year I'll be married. :) Maybe we'll get our taxes done before April 2011... But probably not.

Sprung!

Spring had sprung here in St. Louis. Just a couple days ago all the trees between my apt and work were brown but today most of them have leaves and some have flowers. One day the tree outside our window was bare and the next morning I awoke to see white blossoms all over it. I won't lie, I sang "Popcorn Popping" a few times.

The birds are coming back, too. There's a cardinal that sits in the tree outside our window and sings every morning. I've heard that it's really rare to see one so I guess I'm just lucky to get to see, and hear, one every day. That little guy is NOISY!

Over the winter, I forgot how green St. Louis is! It's beautiful! :) I want to go to the botanical garden. If we can get there, I'll take pictures and share the green everyone.

By the way, I REALLY don't miss snow in April.

Staring at a Flat Tire, Really?

I drive to and from work in rush hour traffic. In the beginning I complained a lot about this but I have begun to accept it. I won't deny that my attitude began improving when I-64 reopened and my commute became just a little less stressful. If I leave my house by 7AM every day then I miss the worst of it, get to work early and have some quiet time to sit in my car and read.

Coming home, on the other hand, I am at the mercy of all the stupidest drivers. I wrote a post last fall detailing my terrible luck with choosing the lane that will move. That hasn't changed. Today I have another traffic rant.

I was driving along, thinking my thoughts and enjoying the breeze through my open window when all of a sudden traffic stopped. You may argue that, being rush hour traffic, I should expect that. But I was beyond the usual tight spots and heading into the faster-moving part of my drive when this happened. As it turns out, there was an SUV with a flat tire over at the side of the road 1/2 a mile from where traffic stopped and apparently EVERYONE needed to look. IT'S A FLAT TIRE PEOPLE! An unfortunate event for that motorist, yes, but not anything to really look at. Don't get me wrong, my fascination is as morbid as any person's when it comes to burning cars and accidents that may have caused dismemberment and... Umm.. Nothing worse than dismemberment. That said, there's no reason to stop and stare at nothing... Especially when it all but halts my commute for ten minutes.

That's all I have to say about that.

My First Prom Dress

I never went to prom or any other formal dance. I guess in high school I just wasn't the girl guys wanted to ask and I was too cowardly to go stag. So I've never purchased a formal dress... Until now. Today I purchased my first prom dress ever. It's for a dance, but not the type you may think.

My dress is for the beginning of a dance that couples have been perfecting for centuries. The steps are simple and yet infinitely complicated: Give as much as you take, trust your partner, move forward together, hold each other close, help your partner when they stumble... And many steps that I know nothing about at this time. It's a dance that is not meant to be taken lightly. Those who do, don't make it to the end. I know that you have to work together and even then there will be smashed toes. As long as you can forgive those moments, the dance can be a thing of beauty. I've watched my parents perform such a dance my entire life. They make it seem almost effortless but I know that a lot of work has gone into it.

Today I purchased the dress I will wear on my wedding day.

Two For One Day!

I began writing a post about the dress I purchased today and it turned into something else entirely. Since I actually like the way the other post turned out and I didn't want to ruin it with the other things I wanted to write, you get two posts today.

I have a bit of a pride problem right now. There's something that bugs me and I have to admit it but even admitting it is hard. See, Branden's friends and relatives are accustomed to a certain caliber of wedding. It involves a full meal for all guests and required RSVPs. It includes things like DJs and bartenders. It also includes a price tag that is well out of our budget.

I'm not worried about my family and friends. They are accustomed to weddings that were planned and paid for in six months or less. The receptions we generally attend include cake, dinner mints and Sprite with serbet. That is the wedding we can afford and, for the most part, I'm fine with that... Until I think about the expectaions of others. I tell myself that there's nothing wrong with the wedding I'm going to have but there's still this piece of me that feels this burning shame.

Let me tell you, that's my pride hurting. I need to let it go but I hate the thought that someone may think our wedding is less than it should be. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know that in the long run, everyone will undertand that Branden was out of work for nearly a year and we are on a strict budget. But that stupid pride! I'm going to have to work on not worrying about what other's may think.

Along those lines, I purchased a prom dress today. It cost me a grand total of $133 and, aside from the lack of train, which I didn't want anyway, it looks every bit the wedding dress. It's unlikely that anyone- aside from those I tell- will know that it came from JC Penney instead of a bridal shop. If anyone does realize it, oh well! I am happy with my choice- so much so that I became all metiforical (see my above post). I guess that's what I need to try to keep in mind: If we're happy with our wedding, that's all that matters.

Mom's Great Sock Idea

I saw a commercial on TV that said something along the lines of, "We all lose socks in the dryer." I thought, "I DON'T!" You may be asking why I am exempt from this basic rule of modern life and the answer is that my mother is a genius. Truly.

When we were young, my mom got sick of spending hours matching the various socks belonging to her sizable family. Her solution was to buy a couple boxes of safety pins and before we put our socks in the dirty clothes we had to pin them together. In theory, we were to leave the safety pin attached to one of the socks at all times but that didn't quite work. Honestly, I don't think this sock program lasted more than a few months. The biggest problems were lost safety pins and that some of the pins rusted and stained socks.

When I began buying knee socks and other fun socks I remembered this idea of my mom's and decided to give it another go. I purchased my pins and have been pinning them ever since. I don't leave my a pin in my socks, they go on a magnet on my dresser and I just grab one before I drop the pair in the basket at the end of the day. Not only do I still have all of my cute socks but I also cut one time-consuming step out of my laundry and I never have to search for that one sock that has to be somewhere in my drawer. Now if I could only get Branden to pin his socks! Ok, I'll be honest, all of his socks look the same so pairing them isn't all that hard and if one disappears then we just have an extra sock until another goes. :P

This may not work for your family- like I said, it didn't last long for us- but I thought I'd share my mom's idea all the same.

Return

The talented and funny Mindy recently wrote a blog about how her original purpose in writing a blog was to record her blessings and that she had strayed from that purpose. In reading what she had to say, I realized that I have also strayed from my purpose. When I first began writing a blog on MySpace, I never wrote about my life. I wrote almost exclusively about my thoughts. I had lots of thoughts, all the time, and I needed a way to get them out.

The thing is, I STILL have thoughts all the time. There's a constant running monologue in my head- sometimes it's a dialogue, I'll admit it- and sometimes it's even something that's worth writing down. :P There are so many bits and pieces of me that I no longer share anymore and maybe you guys don't want to read it and maybe you'll just think I'm crazy but, when it really comes down to it, I'm writing this more for me than for anyone else and it's a risk I'm just going to have to take.

See, there are all these things in my life that I feel like I either can't write about- work drama, for one- and all these things I don't WANT to write about- finances, car problems, relationship drama, computer issues- and so instead of writing about these things I just don't write at all. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't a bad one but there's been a lot of drama and stress recently and it can distract me from everything else. But no matter the stress and drama, I still have all these thoughts about life and (potentially stupid) theories about people and things and I need to remember that I once SHARED all of that and enjoyed doing it. In a way, I think that's why I started my book report posts... I really should write another one. So I plan to write out some of these thoughts in the future and I hope you bear with me. Maybe I'll actually come out with something good.

***This has nothing to do with anything, it's just one of those random thoughts: I typed the title of this post and suddenly remembered that my mom attempted to teach me to type when she homeschooled me in 3rd grade. I was learning on an electric typewriter and instead of "Enter" it had a "Return" key. How fitting that this should come back to me now as I contemplate going back to my beginning. My first random thoughts and stories were typed up by my mother (quite possibly on that very same typewriter) and sent out in her newsletter, The Ronnow Family Times.***

Soft Pretzels

I have made soft pretzels twice in the last four days: Once on Saturday and once on Monday. I've been thinking about making them for a while. As fate would have it, Branden and I were watching Good Eats last week and it was a repeat of Alton Brown making soft pretzels. Branden suggested that I make some and that was enough to set me in motion.

It's been over a year since I last made soft pretzels and I've never made them at home. Luckily, Mr Brown's recipe was exceedingly simple and I'm quite pleased with the results. The one change I made was cutting the dough into 2 oz pieces instead of 4 1/2 oz and shaped them like bread sticks instead of twisting them. That way I got more snacks- who really needs a big pretzels anyway?- and the shaping went faster. Branden loves these, hence my having to make them twice. So for any of you who may want to try making them yourself, here is the recipe courtesy of foodnetwork.com.

Homemade Soft Pretzels

• 1 1/2 cups warm (110 to 115 degrees F) water
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 package active dry yeast
• 22 ounces all-purpose flour, approximately 4 1/2 cups
• 2 ounces unsalted butter, melted
• Vegetable oil, for pan
• 10 cups water
• 2/3 cup baking soda
• 1 large egg yolk beaten with 1 tablespoon water
• Pretzel salt

Combine the water, sugar and kosher salt in the bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top. Allow to sit for 5 minutes or until the mixture begins to foam. Add the flour and butter and, using the dough hook attachment, mix on low speed until well combined. Change to medium speed and knead until the dough is smooth and pulls away from the side of the bowl, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. Remove the dough from the bowl, clean the bowl and then oil it well with vegetable oil. Return the dough to the bowl, cover with plastic wrap and sit in a warm place for approximately 50 to 55 minutes or until the dough has doubled in size.

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Line 2 half-sheet pans with parchment paper and lightly brush with the vegetable oil. Set aside.

Bring the 10 cups of water and the baking soda to a rolling boil in an 8-quart saucepan or roasting pan.

In the meantime, turn the dough out onto a slightly oiled work surface and divide into 8 equal pieces. Roll out each piece of dough into a 24-inch rope. Make a U-shape with the rope, holding the ends of the rope, cross them over each other and press onto the bottom of the U in order to form the shape of a pretzel. Place onto the parchment-lined half sheet pan.

Place the pretzels into the boiling water, 1 by 1, for 30 seconds. Remove them from the water using a large flat spatula. Return to the half sheet pan, brush the top of each pretzel with the beaten egg yolk and water mixture and sprinkle with the pretzel salt. Bake until dark golden brown in color, approximately 12 to 14 minutes. Transfer to a cooling rack for at least 5 minutes before serving.

The Luck O' Us

We aren't Irish as far as either one of us knows, but we had a great St. Patrick's Day nonetheless. :)

We got up early and met my friend at the Cupcakery. I had a soy milk hot chocolate, Branden had a mocha and we shared a peanut butter cup cupcake... For breakfast. :P Then the four of us- the other two being Sue and her daughter Ruth- went to Crown Candy Kitchen. We ate lunch- yes, just over an hour after breakfast- and bought some candy to take home. Sue had to go to work but Branden and I were just getting started.

We headed over to Dogtown, St. Louis' Irish neighborhood. We missed the parade but the party was just getting started. After much hunting for a parking spot, and a little trickery with a previously "acquired" parking ticket that we'll be paying online, we were ready to follow the crowds of green-clad party-goers. The parade route was packed with people laughing, talking, drinking and having a good time. I have no problem being the designated driver so when we met up with Branden's friends he was free to drink with them. Branden was looking forward to green beer but he had to settle for regular beer as nobody was selling the green stuff. We only stayed for a couple of hours but I don't think we could have stayed much longer. We walked at least three miles today and wore ourselves out with the fun of being in a happy crowd. By 3:30PM we were ready to leave the revelers behind: I was tired and bead-decked and Branden was a little... Not sober but still walking fine.

We got back to the car and I just started driving. We wanted to get home eventually but we didn't feel any urge to hurry so we did a little exploring. We found a really cool antique mall. Unfortunately, we got there about 40 minutes before closing and probably only saw half of it. We found a couple of tin cookie cutters and a silver-plated cake stand that I really like and it only cost $20! It doesn't even have a lot of tarnish on it. :) Then we put gas in the car and wandered around Target a little before finally turning toward home.

After our full day, I took a short nap and Branden took a slightly longer nap. I'm still tired and will be going to bed soon. We had a great day: we both got to see friends, we tried out some new-to-us restaurants, we experienced a bit of a real St. Patrick's Day celebration, we discovered a fun place to wander and just feel lucky in general to have been able to spend the day together. I hope all of you had a little luck this St. Patrick's Day!

The Real Pi(e) Day

Branden took me on a date! We woke up early and went to the theater to see the 3D version of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I was told that this one was more like the book but I most definitely disagree. There are elements from both Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass but I'd say it was more like a sequel to the books than an adaptation. No matter, I had a great time and enjoyed the movie. Was it a movie for kids? Well, I think I'd let my non-existent kids watch it but there are things kids won't understand and maybe a few things that could scare them. If your kids get scared easily, I'd watch it myself first and decide it your particular children can handle it.

The best part of the movie was getting to spend the morning with Branden. We both agree that we should get out more often and are working out plans for this Wednesday. :)

As a side note, I will be eating pie for dessert tonight in honor of Pi(e) Day.

Pie Day

Technically, Pie Day is March 14 so I'm a little early but... I got a free pie today!

When I worked for Maceys we started selling Cyrus O'Leary Pies. They were quite expensive but also quite good. A couple weeks ago it came to light that the people at Cyrus O'Leary wanted to sell pies at my current bakery, too. As we are the closest to the corporate offices, everyone who wants to pitch something to this company ships it to our bakery and stages things there. Sometimes it's annoying but ocassionally, it's not too bad. Like when they make enough samples for us to try it, too, or when they ship in extra pies and we get to take them home.

Obviously, today was one of the good days. I had the choice of many pies- some new since I was working at Maceys- but I went with an old favorite: Sour Cream Lemon. :) I'm not going to eat any today but just knowing that I have it makes me happy.

Oh, and in case you don't know, Pie Day is a geeky math "holiday" celebrated on 3-14. (Pi=3.14) When I was going to school in Oklahoma, we actually celebrated it by eating pie in math class!

Songs That Bring a Tear

There are some songs that make me cry every time I hear them. Most of the ones that do it to me are country songs... I actually am not a fan of country which has nothing to do with the fact that some of the songs make me cry.

I remember when I was about 8 or 9 Garth Brooks became big and Bekkie really liked him. Since I was trying to be as cool as Bekkie, I liked his music, too. At the time, I didn't understand most of what he was singing about and songs like "The Dance" didn't actually affect me. As I got older and experienced more of life I'd occassionally hear those same songs and they'd impact me in a completely different way. I don't know the first time that "The Dance" made me cry but I know it can take me from nowhere near tears to practically bawling now. In mere moments I am transported through a million memories- not all painful- and the tears just roll.

Last summer I was making breakfast one Sunday and Branden was watching CMT's music video countdown. A song came on that I'd never heard before and by the first chorus I was crying... Not just crying: sloppy tears streamed down my face while I tried to choke back any sobbing sounds. Ironically, I've loved the song since that first time I heard it. You may ask, which song is it?: Then by Brad Paisley. When Branden realized I was crying, not only could he not believe it, he couldn't understand it. He's a guy, it's not his fault. I'd like to play that song and dance with Branden for our wedding but I know I won't make it through. Whether or not I hear that song on my wedding day, we'd better plan on water-proof mascara, Katie, because I'm gonna need it!

When it comes to non-country songs, both "Wish You Were Here" and "I'll Catch You" by The Get Up Kids make me cry. Sometimes I can make it through the first one, but I NEVER make it through "I'll Catch You." There's a Flogging Molly song that gets me every time but I don't know the name of that one. Then there's the "Baby Mine" song from Dumbo but... Hey, I don't know of a girl who doesn't tear up at some part of at least one Disney movie! There are more songs but I think I've admitted to enough crying for now.

I Love Technology

I've spent more time than usual on the phone today. I love weekends because I have unlimited minutes on my phone so I don't think twice about talking as long as I want... Not that I really think twice about it most of the month. :P I talked to James (it's his 19th birthday!), I talked to Chantelle (a WHOLE lot) , I talked to Branden (twice... but talking to him is free anyway), I talked to Mom (for a minute or two; we'll talk more tomorrow) and I talked to Jessica from work.

I love the way technology allows me to be in contact with my family. Cell phones and internet allow me to more easily keep up to date on day-to-day happenings. I may be 1300 miles away, but when I'm on the phone with Katie of Chantelle I feel like I'm so much closer. I love reading blogs and feeling like I am piece of the action. I'll admit that sometimes it's still not enough but, even so, this is so much better than waiting weeks to hear from someone.

Thank you to everyone who talks to me on the phone and puts up with my ramblings. Thank you to everyone who READS my ramblings and lets me read theirs. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to comment of my FB or blog. I can't express how much I appreciate the contact. :)

Less Than Seven Months To Go

Branden and I are less than seven months from our wedding day. :) I'm excited but also majorly stressed. There's so much to do but not much can be done without knowing WHERE. The when has been set since November 2008 and hasn't changed: September 25, 2010.

The where has been back and forth and up and down. Utah for sure, on that I haven't budged. Branden wanted the Park City area but it's so inconvenient for everyone involved- including us!- and the least expensive options are still more costly than options elsewhere. So now we've moved on to Ogden. Branden doesn't love the idea but I feel like I have a lot more resources in that area and it'll be far easier to get things done.

People have asked what they can do to help. I sincerely appreciate the offers and will be more than willing to accept them when I know what's going on myself. :) Right now this is what I do know:

I have some table cloths and my mom is willing to help me with the rest that I may need, though I won't know how many or what sizes until I know the where of the reception. It will be an open-house type reception so I don't need a lot of tables and, therefore, not a lot of tablecloths. I may even have enough right now.

I want to do arrangements of squashes/pumpkins and maybe other fall fruits for centerpieces. My mom is willing to plant some and I can buy them if I need to but it would be really cool if we could grow at least a portion. I'm not thinking huge pumpkins. Mom and I discussed the possibility of using sugar pumpkins so they could be used for baking afterward if anyone felt so inclined. As I'm not living in the area, the pumpkins/fall produce would either go home with family members or be returned to the grower(s) if they wanted them.

I'm not going to bother with a florist. It may seem cheap to some, but I love the fall bouquets at CostCo so I'll probably get one or two of those to cover what few flowers I want. There's also a chance that I'll use the leaf roses idea that both Branden and Katie have shown me but I'm not positive that I can get the leaves or that I'm actually talented enough to create the roses in the first place.

Kazia has graciously agreed to make my wedding cake but if that needs to change I am flexible. (Don't want you to feel any pressure, Kaz!) Branden doesn't like very many of the cakes I like- or very many wedding cakes at all- but we've tentatively agreed to something simple and we'll see where that goes.

I think that's about all I know. See, not much for being this close!

We Had A Visitor In St. Louis

Amy actually made it out to visit us this past week! We thought she'd be able to come visit last month but she couldn't get on a flight. When I received the text that she was on the plane and coming my way Monday afternoon I literally started giggling and dancing around. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this but, if you didn't know, Amy is my best-friend-who-is-a-girl-and-not-related-to-me. Long title, I know but Branden is my best friend as well and I also have some awesome siblings so... :)

Amy got here Monday evening and, I won't lie to you, I was so excited that I got to the airport a whole hour early and sat there reading my book until she arrived. We got semi-lost but we managed to find something for dinner AND get to Branden's work in time to share that dinner with him on his break. Afterward, I took Amy across the Mississippi River so that she could add Illinois to the list of states she's been in. We stayed up entirely too late that night but it was worth it.

Tuesday Amy and Branden went to some of Branden and my favorite specialty markets while I was at work. They had a great time and both stocked up on some of their favorite Asian treats. After I got home, the three of us went out to dinner and to the casino. We had a good time and when the time came to head home I wasn't quite ready so we went to the store to pick up a cheesecake. Amy and I might have been a little tired because we were laughing our heads off and Branden thought we were insane... It's been SO LONG since I've laughed like that. It was just what I needed right then. Amy and I stayed up too late once again, though not as late as we used to when we were roommates.

On Wednesday I made chocolate chip pancakes for Amy. Branden had some things he had to deal with so Amy and I went to the Gateway Arch without him. We wished he could have come but it was also nice to have that whole afternoon just the two of us girls. On our way home, I got a phone call from Chantelle who put me on speaker phone while James read his mission call to the family. He's going to Buenos Aires, Argentina!!! Amy and I made dinner for the three of us and once again stayed up later than we should have.

Yesterday morning we all got up earlier than usual. Branden took Amy to the airport while I headed off to work. Is it any wonder that I'm completely worn out today? It was worth every minute of missed sleep, though. We had a great time and I'm so glad that I got a chance to spend time with my other best friend. :)