"Hold Me Like You'll Never Let Me Go"

I like hugs. No, I love hugs. When I am having a bad day, a hug is all I want. When Branden and I are arguing or I am freaking out over something, Branden could stop most of it in its tracks if he'd just reach out a give me a good hug... Which is hard for him to do as it's completely against his nature but it'd be a wise thing for him to remember if he wants problems to be solved more quickly. Nothing calms me faster or soothes me more than being held, really held, by someone who loves me.

When words fail, there are always hugs and I give them when I have nothing else to give. I've been told that I give good hugs and I put that down to the fact that I try to give the kind of hugs I wish to receive. It's hard to describe what I mean and I can't show you because you are on the other side of a computer screen, likely many miles from where I am... I'll do my best, though.

To begin, a good hug needs to have feeling behind it. Anyone can toss their arms around someone for a nanosecond with little-to-no feeling before rushing off to do whatever they think is important. To be a good hug, no, a TRUE hug, there needs to be love. Be it love for a spouse or other family member, love for a friend or just love for a fellow being in need, it is the most important part of a true hug.

A true hug should be firm but not like a boa constrictor. You're not trying to squeeze the life out of someone, but hold the life in. Be it joy or pain spilling out, a hug is emotion contained in our arms.

A true hug should give you permission to fall apart when you need to because the person hugging you will be holding the pieces together. Cry on my shoulder, let that part inside you snap because I won't let any of your pieces get lost. They are right here in my arms waiting until you can hold on to them again. I cannot fix you with a hug but I can buy you a little time to help you fix yourself.

A true hug doesn't have a time limit. It lasts as long as is needed. Maybe it's just a short moment in time, a quick reassurance before we head our separate ways. Maybe it's multiple minutes when comfort is needed or we are parting for a long period of time.

A true hug is pure and safe. There are no ulterior motives. You cannot take a hug. Hugs can only be given and their value doesn't decrease with number or frequency of use.

Hugs are one of the things I miss the most about living close to my family. Phones and internet have enabled me to keep communication going but they won't let me touch anyone. There are many moments in my current life that I would do just about anything to wrap my arms around my sister or to spend thirty seconds in my dad's embrace. My mom has told me that I am the most physically affectionate of all of her children and that I taught our family how to hug. If I do only that with my life then I will have made the world a better place.

But I am not content to only do that. I want everyone to learn how to hug. So do me- and yourself- a favor: When you leave your computer, go hug someone. Practice giving true hugs because the next time I see you, I intend to give you one and I hope that you'll give one back to me.

Nobody Will Ever Know... Except That I'm Putting It In a Blog

Branden likes to tease me about being clumsy. Sometimes the teasing is a little hurtful, honestly, but it's not as if he's teasing me about something that's untrue. I do seem to trip a lot, drop things and knock things down often. Which is part of the reason that when I do these things without a witness, it's almost something for me to take pride in.

Today I totally bit it on the ice next to my car and nobody saw me fall. Unfortunately, I went to City Museum on January 29 and my bruises are still healing. Even though I was immediately able to get up on my own, I fell on quite a few of those bruises and re-bruised as well as created new ones. I also think I twisted my right knee a little bit. :S

No worries, though, nobody saw!

Enjoy The Blow

There is a poem I read about fifteen years ago about a person who lives next door to the zoo. There's a terrible storm and the zookeeper brings the animals over one by one to sit in the tub, relax in the living room and cuddle in the bed. One piece of the poem has stuck with me and I sometimes repeat it to myself. It's just a couple of lines but it goes like this: Hunker down, Enjoy the blow.

This morning I was on my way to work and I heard on the radio that the malls were closed. I decided that I'd better call my boss. As it turns out, she was calling people and telling them to stay home. I decided then that I was going to enjoy the blow. I stopped at a grocery store on the way home where I picked up everything I needed to make potato soup and a dozen eggs... Just because I could.

I arrived home safely and told Branden my work was closed- my first snow day in 13 years! After he was out of bed, I jumped on the St. Louis bandwagon and made us french toast for breakfast. We spent most of the day messing around on our computers and watching TV while the freezing rain came down outside. I baked potatoes and made them into delicious soup and we've just relaxed. So far things have been MUCH less severe than predicted but we're under a blizzard warning until tomorrow at noon so we'll see.

Weather, like life, is hard to predict and we only get so many days to sit inside while the storm does its thing outside. Hunker down, enjoy the blow.