I Am Afraid Of Deer

I am afraid of deer. I had to admit to it tonight. They terrify me.

Every time I so much as see a deer within 100 feet of the side of the road I get all freaked out. I gasp and hyperventilate a bit and, if I'm not driving, I go so far as putting my hands over my face. While driving at night I am on constant look-out for deer. I get so tense watching that by the time I get home I'm exhausted. If Branden is the one driving, the best way I can relax is to close my eyes and try to think of being somewhere else.

A couple of weeks ago I was driving home from Ogden and was almost to the point going around Rockport Dam that I had been at when I hit the doe. I had decided to put the car in 4th gear and go no faster than 40-45MPH even though the speed limit is 55. I'm SO glad that I decided that because another doe- this one quite a bit larger and possibly pregnant- darted out in front of my car. I slammed on the breaks and missed her by INCHES. The whole 3-5 seconds that she was in front of my car all I could think was, "Oh, please, not again!" There's a good chance that I yelled/screamed it, too. I really think I had a small heart attack. I drove 25MPH most of the rest of the way home and saw two more deer that night. By the time I made it home I was worn out and my chest hurt.

Last month when I went to drop off the rent check there were three deer standing in front of our landlords' house. I parked three houses away and WALKED the rest of the way so I wouldn't have to deal with the possibility of one running into the road. Earlier this evening we went to drop off the rent check again. The same three deer were in front of the house, but we didn't see them until Branden was turning the car around so I could get out on the side of the house. When our headlights swept across them I panicked! Branden understands my fear to an extent, but just could not understand why I was hyperventilating when we were going about 2 MPH.

I don't fully understand it either. I hit the doe in the early morning when the sun was just up. I probably didn't even have the headlights on, though I honestly cannot remember if I did. Now, however, any time that my headlights even sweep across a deer I get all freaked out. Maybe it's BECAUSE I hit one in the light. I SAW her and I still hit her. In the dark I can't see them until there's a chance I'll hit them.

I just keep replaying the moment before I hit the doe over and over again in slow motion. It's kinda funny because when we drive past that spot it goes by so fast that it really does seem as if the whole incident had to have happened in slow motion anyway. And it seems a little blue in my head but that could either be a real memory of a road not quite brightened by the early morning sun or a cast that my brain has put over the memory now that I know the outcome. I'll never know. I only hope that someday I can relax a little more. Mabye when the snow melts I'll feel better...?

In Which I Make Good Food

I made a delicious dinner today. I wasn't sure if I could pull it off but I did!

What was this great dinner? Cheese and Broccoli Stuffed Chicken Breast! Yes, I made it from scratch and it would put to shame any such thing bought from the frozen section of your local grocery store. I would willingly teach someone who wants to learn so if you're interested in a cooking class maybe we can work something out. :)

Judging by this success, I feel I could also teach someone to make Chicken Kiev or Chicken Cordon Bleu since they are the same basic concept. I even have a (probably unoriginal) idea for something that I plan to call the Chicken Cordon Branden. Yes, I know that cordon bleu means blue ribbon and that Branden ribbon makes NO sense... But that's what I decided to name it.

Married People CAN BE Happy People

It really bothers me when people tell me not to get married.

I'm pretty sure that all five of my readers know that Branden proposed on Halloween (2008) and I said yes. I have no regrets about this, nor do I anticipate regretting it in the future. I love him. He's my best friend and he treats me well most of the time. Yes, we have our ups and downs but even when we're fighting there's a part of me that always knows that he loves me, too. As frustrated as I can get with him, he's still the only person I wanna see at the end of a long day. He's not very good at comforting me but he's learning and he tries, which matters a lot to me. He rarely washes dishes or does laundry but he keeps my little car running and has been great about shoveling all the snow so I don't slip on my way into the house. I've accepted that he will drive me up the wall at times. He's accepted that I will do the same to him. We're not perfect people and I will, no doubt, look at other (more perfect) couples and wonder why we can't have things as good as they've got them. On the other hand, they might think the same of us... But that's kinda unlikely. The point is: Under normal circumstances we're happy together and there's no reason to believe that marriage will make us less than happy.

So why do people tell me all the time not to get married? It seems that quite a few people at my work are married to/live with people they don't like. I don't understand that. You liked them when you married/moved in together (didn't you?) and now, however many years later, you don't. Their combined opinion seems to be that you will tire of the person you are with and wish that you hadn't married them... Or at least that you could take some time and get away from them. But I know lots of happy couples and it seems like the people at my work must be the exception, not the rule. I'm aware of divorce rate statistics, etc, but it just seems that if you're both willing to work on a marriage it has the potential to stay happy forever. And if you're not willing to work and adapt together then your unhappiness has nothing to do with my potential happiness.

My parents have been married for over 30 years and they're happy. Admittedly, my dad has traveled quite a bit in those years, but that doesn't mean that my mom was sick of having him around when he was home or that the only reason they're still happy is because he was gone so much. I think they're happy IN SPITE OF the time apart. This year, my sister Bekkie will have been married to Joey for 11 years. They have their own problems but, it seems to me, they are basically happy. The same goes for my brother Allan and his wife Stacy whose seven-year wedding anniversary was just yesterday. Katie and Tyler have a marriage that I sometimes don't understand but it works for them and I haven't heard them voice any regrets about their choice to marry (three years ago next week). My other older sister, Carrie, is married to Gary and I can't imagine a better guy for her. I don't often hear from them, but I'm pretty sure that they still like being together.

When my immediate family provides so many examples of married couples who're not only making it, but HAPPILY making it, why should I listen to the nay-sayers? I look forward to married life. Yes, I know that things will change but I can't really imagine that living with Branden as a husband will be THAT different than living with him as a fiance. I imagine that I will still pick up his socks from the living room floor. I imagine that I will still make dinner and he will still eat it and tell me that it's good... Even when it's not that great. I imagine that he will still make a mess and then blame it on the cat. And I imagine that I will love him just as much, if not more, than I do at this moment.

Valentine's Recap

We had a great Valentine's Day.

The movie was pretty awesome. We left here a little later than we should have and I was in a panic the whole way there. We were just a few blocks from the theater and stuck in traffic with fifteen minutes to show time. We did manage to find a parking spot in the garage furthest from the Clark Planetarium. We speed-walked the whole way from the car to the planetarium only to find out that they hadn't even opened the theater yet and we were going to have to wait at the end of a large line! Oh well, we made it on time and the only thing that would have made it better would have been not sitting on the front row- not that we had any options at that point.

Afterward, we decided to walk the few blocks to Iggy's and have dinner there. Despite the cold, the walk was kinda nice and it made us appreciate the warm restaurant even more. Iggy's was a good choice because it's not the typical Valentine's Day date so we were seated right away. I quite enjoyed my mushroom swiss burger and Branden's steak was ok- which is far better than some of our steak experiences in the past. Dessert was totally from a box, but I guess I shouldn't expect to be wowed with dessert from anywhere we can afford.

On the walk back to the car I spotted some money on the ground. Being a person who picks up pennies, I figured I was also a person who picks up bills. I thought I was picking up one bill- probably a five- but it turns out that I'd found $66! I guess we all know what kind of person I am because I kept it. It's not like the street was teeming with people, though. Even if I'd wanted to be a better person there was nobody to be a better person to. So we did the next best thing (sorta) and gave the one dollar bill to a homeless guy. I suppose the really best thing would have been to give him all the money, but we're really pretty poor right now and can't afford to give up lucky finds.

We did go to Barnes and Noble, though, and pick up a couple of cheap books. I got a cake decorating book which I probably don't REALLY need, but it never hurts to get new ideas and this book has over 100 color pictures! Plus, it was on sale for $10.

We made it home safely, slept in this morning and had a delicious after-Valentine's-Day breakfast made by the best cook in the house... ME! Oh, yes, and Branden gave me a couple little stuffed things and chocolates as Valentine's Day gifts... TOTALLY acceptable. I'm pretty happy with this weekend so far. :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day has become a much bigger deal to me than it used to be. This is only my second Valentine's Day with a significant other. Last year he was my boyfriend, this year he is my fiance. :)

The guys at my work think that it's a holiday that's all about girls. I don't find that to be the case at my house... Or at least not to me. Valentine's Day is a day that we really remember that we love each other. It's a day to think of all the good reasons we are together and to be happy about them.

I don't expect presents, but I do expect that we spend time together away from the house. I love spending time with Branden- which is really good considering the fact that I'm gonna marry him. Going out to dinner is great, even if dinner is inexpensive. Actually, I think that going out to an inexpensive-but-more-than-fast-food dinner is better than spending a lot of money. I told Branden that this year I wanna go to a place that serves American food and isn't the typical Valentine's dinner. AND- this is where things get really exciting- we have tickets to see "Under the Sea 3D" at the Clark Planetarium!!! (I'm totally serious. I'm SO excited!)

My other favorite part of Valentine's Day is making cards for each other. We started the tradition on our first Valentine's Day and I wanna keep it up as long as we can. I made his card last night and he's in the bedroom making my card right now. It's such a simple, silly tradition and I'm not all that creative, but it makes me happy.

Hope Valentine's Day is great for everyone and that all five of you who read this get to spend time with the people you love best. :)

I Have Good Hair Again!

I got my hair cut and dyed on Monday. I LOVE it! My boss... Does not. I don't care.

Stacy did a great job. Most of my hair is dark brown with bright red and blond streaks. If I pull it back right and wear a hat, you can't see any of the red so I look perfectly respectable if needed. If I pull my hair into pigtails- which is how I normally wear my hair under my hat at work- there are beautiful streaks of red and hints of blond running through my pigtails. Of course, it looks great without a hat as well. :)

Happy Birthday Dad... Sorry About The Cake.

Yesterday was my daddy's 60th birthday. It's kinda crazy. If my dad is 60 then the rest of us are all a lot older, too... And that's a little scary.

I made his cake today. Actually, I BAKED the cake on Wednesday. The baking went well. The freezing went pretty ok. There was no indication that things would go poorly. Today everything fell apart.

First the cake: One layer refused to come out of the pan in one piece and I ended up with three large pieces and several crumbs. I did manage to piece it together a bit and it's now the bottom layer of the cake. Structurally, that's not very stable but icingly (I just made that word up) it was the only way to go.

Second the marzipan: I foolishly talked my dad into a more complicated cake because I felt that I'd be fine making it... And I should have been. He wanted a layer of marzipan in the middle so I picked some up at the store. I should have realized that it had probably been on the shelf forever. There's not really any worries about it going bad since it's sugar and almond paste and not a lot of other things. The problem is that it was hard as a slightly soft rock and dry as a dry thing and lumpy- I assume that the last problem was caused by the first two problems. I rolled it, warmed it in the microwave and rolled it some more. I managed to get it to be decently thin and roughly the size of the cake though not round. I put it on the cake, ripped off the overhanging edges and used them to fill in the gaps where it was a little bit too much not round.

Third the jam filling: I chose this jam called Traffic Jam. It's a mixture of strawberries, raspberries, blackberries and blueberries... Just the type of thing my dad likes. It's even somewhat locally made if you consider Wyoming to be somewhat local for where I live. I couldn't get the jar open. I tried and tried and tried. I did everything I knew to make it open. I even had Branden try. Then I tried some more. Then I made Branden try again. After much straining, he managed to get it open. I am happy to announce that it really is pretty good jam so we didn't have that small crisis for nothing.

Fourth the icing: My dad loves almond icing so I found a false buttercream recipe that I've used in the past and adjusted it to make it almond flavored. It tastes great, it's the right consistency, it's the right everything... So obviously the problem is more with the icing JOB than the icing itself. When you try to ice a crumbling cake, a couple of things happen. (a) You get crumbs in the icing. REAL shocker there, huh? (b) Unless you use LOTS of icing and spread it minimally, you end up pulling more cake off the, um, well, off the cake. I put lots of icing on and pulled a minimal amount back off the cake... And one side has partially collapsed because it's falling apart.

So I have this cake that is TECHNICALLY exactly what my dad wants but doesn't look quite the way that anyone would hope it'd turn out. I MADE A CAKE WRECK!!! It's not really done yet and I'm kinda hoping to save it. The party is tomorrow evening so before it starts I'm making a trip to the store. I'm going to buy whatever berries I can afford and kinda cascade them down the side of the cake to hide the messy part. Wish me luck!