"All We Need Is Some Ice Cream And A Hug"

It seems like every time we are almost doing ok, life hits and we are left saying, "We'll find a way to make it work."

Branden has spent a lot of time working on our vehicles this month. I knew it wouldn't be cheap to get the truck in full, working order and the scooter... Just added to the cost. But the truck really HAD to be done and my car had to be finished and the scooter... Curse the stupid scooter for taking away more money. In the long run it could save us money but right now it doesn't seem worth it. Truth be told, we should have paid a lot more than we did for all of this, but Branden's friends at the shop are so good to us. Maybe TOO good to us. Not that I'm complaining.

But now it seems that Branden will need to go to the eye doctor so he can get a new prescription and new contacts. He's trying to say that we can't afford it, but what we REALLY can't afford is him being blind. Eyesight is a need, not a want.

Earlier this month I was feeling good because we were somewhat ahead. Then we paid most of the bills and rent is coming up and... We are near the end. We can't survive much longer unless Branden gets a job and I'm starting to panic. He used to bring home over $400 a week, but unemployment only pays him $250 a week. I'm doing almost every job asked of me at work just to be sure that I have as close to 40 hours a week as possible. Friends and family have graciously and generously hired Branden to do work for them and I am so incredibly grateful to every person who is helping us stay just a few dollars from sunk.

And at the same time I'm terrified. Thank goodness that I pushed back every time Branden pushed to get a house. I knew then that we wouldn't be able to afford one and, as much as I really want to own a house, now we can pick up and move if it comes to that. So we aren't as badly off as some... But I honestly don't know what we'll do next month and the month after that. And planning a wedding when we have no money is, quite frankly, depressing but I need to do something and it helps me look forward to the future with a little hope.

I don't want anyone to feel badly for or worry about me. We are all having a tough time and, as before stated, we're not as badly off as some. We are mostly healthy and mostly happy. We have stocked our chest freezer and pantry as best we could while we had money. I may be getting a little creative in the not-too-distant future but we won't starve. I hide money from myself. I know for a fact that I have at least $100 stashed away- somewhere- and I can PROBABLY find it when I get desperate... Probably. Not to mention at least $100 in loose change floating around because Branden doesn't spend it. We'll be ok. (Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself?) This is a place that I vent and I get out my worries. It's a bit like my journal, only better. :) So don't worry too much about me... Just, next time you see me, could you give me a hug? I think we're all going to need a lot of them to make it through.