In an effort to use food that we already have rather than go to the store, I have made this crazy angel hair garlic 'n' cheese for dinner tonight. In the process, I discovered that 2% milk doesn't make good cheese sauce when you're using real cheese. I ended up having to add a little Velveeta to the sauce to help get rid of the watery-ness. :S It worked but the sauce was still a little weird.
So we are eating/ate this crazy, somewhat lumpy and sorta goopey pasta for dinner. Branden says he likes it... I think he's being nice. On the other hand, he LOVES garlic so maybe that's why he likes it. I'm thinking that angel hair is too fine for this kind of thing and it probably would have worked better with spaghetti or even something more like, I don't know, macaroni? :P Of course, he don't HAVE macaroni, but we DO have 3/4 of a case of angel hair.
I got the recipe from this pretty awesome website called Super Cook. It's kinda fun. You just enter the ingredients you already have in your kitchen and it searches the internet for recipes that you can make. I've actually used it twice this week. The rice and beef casserole- or "hotdish" if you're from MN like Branden- worked out pretty well with very little effort. I'm excited to try more recipes!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Forgetful Amber
Today I got off work early- that whole no work= no hours thing catching up to me. It's pretty cold outside but since I've missed some walking recently I knew I had to go. (Unfortunately, the DVD we purchased has no sound for some strange reason and I will have to see if I can return it.) While driving home I decided that to make today a little easier to do, I would have a destination and walk from my house to this destination and back.
So I chose the post office. We ordered a couple things that we need a little while ago- back when we felt like we had money- and they should be arriving any day. As soon as I got home I pulled on my backpack then grabbed my weights and headed off.
One note about the weights: I apparently have really wimpy arms right now. Within two blocks my arms were feeling it. My arms may be a little sore tomorrow but it will be worth it in the long run.
So I walked to the post office and on the way there I passed the library and realized that I had the wrong bag to have my library card. Too bad, because I want some new books to read. That's ok, tomorrow or Saturday I will plan to walk there and then carry around those books in my backpack for the rest of the walk. With that happy thought in mind, I continued on the the post office... And got there only to realize that I forgot my PO Box key! It was at house in my messenger bag along with my library card! I'm such a dork!
I took a slightly more round-about way back but had to give up on the weights and put them in my bag when I was still less than half-way home. Maybe next time I will be able to use them longer. I called Branden when I got here and it turns out he'd already stopped by the post office today, anyway.
So I chose the post office. We ordered a couple things that we need a little while ago- back when we felt like we had money- and they should be arriving any day. As soon as I got home I pulled on my backpack then grabbed my weights and headed off.
One note about the weights: I apparently have really wimpy arms right now. Within two blocks my arms were feeling it. My arms may be a little sore tomorrow but it will be worth it in the long run.
So I walked to the post office and on the way there I passed the library and realized that I had the wrong bag to have my library card. Too bad, because I want some new books to read. That's ok, tomorrow or Saturday I will plan to walk there and then carry around those books in my backpack for the rest of the walk. With that happy thought in mind, I continued on the the post office... And got there only to realize that I forgot my PO Box key! It was at house in my messenger bag along with my library card! I'm such a dork!
I took a slightly more round-about way back but had to give up on the weights and put them in my bag when I was still less than half-way home. Maybe next time I will be able to use them longer. I called Branden when I got here and it turns out he'd already stopped by the post office today, anyway.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Once Again, Stressed About Money
Branden asked me a few minutes ago if I was ok because he thought I was acting sick. I'm not sick, I'm just stressed and a little depressed. Money troubles are really getting me down.
My job will be pretty slow and I'm not sure how many hours I'll be able to get this month. Add to that a mess with Unemployment that may result in my not receiving any help for the next FOURTY-NINE WEEKS and I'm not too happy. The crappy thing about that is they are trying to penalize me for going On Call at a part time job so I could go back to working my FULL TIME job. I didn't stop working there so I could collect more money from them, I did it so I could go back to working 40 hours a week at one job. I didn't even QUIT the job. No, I haven't worked there in nearly six months, but they haven't CALLED me, either. I still have the key and all the stuff I need to get in, etc, which I wouldn't have if I had quit. I went to ON CALL status because I had a full time job! I talked to a guy today and he said he'd put that in my file and they will decide my fate before business hours are up on Thursday. Great.
Branden is still on Unemployment and, if I don't get paid real money this coming month, what little he gets will pay our rent and leave us with a whopping $50. Oh yeah, and one of my school loan payments is going to start up again next month so I need to talk to someone and see if I can postpone that AGAIN. Seems like I'll never have the money to pay that off! Yes, I am stressed. Branden thinks I shouldn't stress and that I'll just make myself sick. He may be right, but he also doesn't have any solutions. He just says we'll make it work. How? He doesn't know. I just know that I will have to keep doing every odd job at work and picking up every minute that I can. If I can just bring home $500 this month- which is nowhere NEAR 40 hours a week- we should be able to pay the bills.
We have two more rent payments- April is already paid- before our lease is up. The goal is just to make it without breaking the lease. At that point we can figure out something else. That could mean moving to a cheaper house... That could also mean moving to a cheaper city or further. Or maybe this job that Branden has been offered- he won't start till the end of May- will be a good thing for us and moving to a cheaper house would be less a necessity and more a way to save a little money. We don't know right now.
And did I mention that my birthday is April 24th? I was hoping to do something fun- go out maybe- for my birthday but that doesn't seem likely and that's making me sad, too. :(
Sorry to dump so much here. I just need to get things off my chest and this is such a great place for that.
My job will be pretty slow and I'm not sure how many hours I'll be able to get this month. Add to that a mess with Unemployment that may result in my not receiving any help for the next FOURTY-NINE WEEKS and I'm not too happy. The crappy thing about that is they are trying to penalize me for going On Call at a part time job so I could go back to working my FULL TIME job. I didn't stop working there so I could collect more money from them, I did it so I could go back to working 40 hours a week at one job. I didn't even QUIT the job. No, I haven't worked there in nearly six months, but they haven't CALLED me, either. I still have the key and all the stuff I need to get in, etc, which I wouldn't have if I had quit. I went to ON CALL status because I had a full time job! I talked to a guy today and he said he'd put that in my file and they will decide my fate before business hours are up on Thursday. Great.
Branden is still on Unemployment and, if I don't get paid real money this coming month, what little he gets will pay our rent and leave us with a whopping $50. Oh yeah, and one of my school loan payments is going to start up again next month so I need to talk to someone and see if I can postpone that AGAIN. Seems like I'll never have the money to pay that off! Yes, I am stressed. Branden thinks I shouldn't stress and that I'll just make myself sick. He may be right, but he also doesn't have any solutions. He just says we'll make it work. How? He doesn't know. I just know that I will have to keep doing every odd job at work and picking up every minute that I can. If I can just bring home $500 this month- which is nowhere NEAR 40 hours a week- we should be able to pay the bills.
We have two more rent payments- April is already paid- before our lease is up. The goal is just to make it without breaking the lease. At that point we can figure out something else. That could mean moving to a cheaper house... That could also mean moving to a cheaper city or further. Or maybe this job that Branden has been offered- he won't start till the end of May- will be a good thing for us and moving to a cheaper house would be less a necessity and more a way to save a little money. We don't know right now.
And did I mention that my birthday is April 24th? I was hoping to do something fun- go out maybe- for my birthday but that doesn't seem likely and that's making me sad, too. :(
Sorry to dump so much here. I just need to get things off my chest and this is such a great place for that.
Monday, March 30, 2009
No Walking In Ogden Today :(
Snow and large car accidents made staying home a more prudent decision so I won't get to hang out with my family or make them walk today. I will survive... Somehow. Looks like I'll be trying out the DVD today.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
New Developments On The Exercise Front
So now there's a new twist and a new reason to work at losing weight: If I lose a pre-determined amount of weight, Branden will try to quit smoking.
He says that he can't promise it will work on the first try, but it's better than nothing. I need to lose weight and he needs to quit smoking so if I can even get that started... I'll do what I can to help us both.
Yesterday we bought a scale, a pedometer, two small weights for my walking, and a DVD exercise thing (which should target my larger-than-it-should-be backside) for the days that it's too cold or too hot to walk. I'm excited to use all this stuff. I also started downloading music so I can update my IPod Shuffle's playlist. I've never liked exercising, but with all these toys- and the evidence from the scale that I may have already lost a little weight- I'm kinda looking forward to continuing onward.
I walked every day from Tuesday on, including a walk from Katie's house to Aunt Doreen's house yesterday. Today I am taking a break. My knees hurt and it's snowing again. Tomorrow, when I'm in Ogden, I intend to drag Katie and Mom on a walk with me. I think it'll be fun, though I already know I walk more slowly with people than by myself. When I listen to music while walking I walk faster and further. I've discovered that I can trick my body into going just one block farther then, when I'm supposed to turn, I just keep going. My body is very gullible. :)
He says that he can't promise it will work on the first try, but it's better than nothing. I need to lose weight and he needs to quit smoking so if I can even get that started... I'll do what I can to help us both.
Yesterday we bought a scale, a pedometer, two small weights for my walking, and a DVD exercise thing (which should target my larger-than-it-should-be backside) for the days that it's too cold or too hot to walk. I'm excited to use all this stuff. I also started downloading music so I can update my IPod Shuffle's playlist. I've never liked exercising, but with all these toys- and the evidence from the scale that I may have already lost a little weight- I'm kinda looking forward to continuing onward.
I walked every day from Tuesday on, including a walk from Katie's house to Aunt Doreen's house yesterday. Today I am taking a break. My knees hurt and it's snowing again. Tomorrow, when I'm in Ogden, I intend to drag Katie and Mom on a walk with me. I think it'll be fun, though I already know I walk more slowly with people than by myself. When I listen to music while walking I walk faster and further. I've discovered that I can trick my body into going just one block farther then, when I'm supposed to turn, I just keep going. My body is very gullible. :)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Hooray For Tasty Dinner
I'm a really big dork, but I get all excited when I make dinner and it goes over really well. :P Tonight I made chicken fajitas with the vegetables I picked up from the store while on my walk- 44 minutes today in 25 degree weather, but not much sloping ground so I'll have to work on that tomorrow.
Anyway, the fajitas were mostly peppers and green onions and Branden LOVED them! YAY!!! I honestly haven't seen him eat this much in a long time and there are no leftovers. :) I feel good that I made a pretty healthy dinner and we both liked it. I'm not aiming for the better diet, just the exercise, but it certainly can't hurt to eat more vegetables sometimes... And if it just HAPPENS that I pick those vegetables up while on a walk, well, so much the better... Or something like that.
Anyway, the fajitas were mostly peppers and green onions and Branden LOVED them! YAY!!! I honestly haven't seen him eat this much in a long time and there are no leftovers. :) I feel good that I made a pretty healthy dinner and we both liked it. I'm not aiming for the better diet, just the exercise, but it certainly can't hurt to eat more vegetables sometimes... And if it just HAPPENS that I pick those vegetables up while on a walk, well, so much the better... Or something like that.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My Walking Goal
I have recently been informed by a non-medial person that I need to lose weight. Not a pleasant thing to hear if it's coming from a doctor, but even less pleasant to hear coming from a non-doctor. Long and short, it wasn't cool and made me cry. So I have made a goal.
I will walk briskly for at least 30 minutes a day- which equals at least a mile- and incorporate at least some gently rising ground if not actual hills. In this way I will get my heart pumping and maybe help my knees a little. That is not the real goal, though. The actual goal is to lose 5 pounds by May.
I'm not sure if this will work, but I'm going to try anyway. I don't intend to drastically change my diet so it may not really work. I'm just hoping that exercise will do enough to knock off five pounds on it's own. I'll admit, it is a small goal... Actually a minuscule goal. And it is possible to lose five pounds in a week or two so there's always a chance that I can do it in five weeks. After all, I'm going from no planned exercise to at least 30 minutes of planned exercise for no less than four days a week.
Yesterday I walked 2.6 miles in 50 minutes. Not too bad, I think. Today I only walked for 30 minutes as it is snowing and I was cold. Not a great excuse, I know, but who of you four or five people reading this would have even gone exercise-walking in the snow? Or when it's 34 degrees with winds from the North? (That was yesterdays walk.) Since I have a feeling most of you said there was no chance you'd be out briskly walking in the snow or even cold, wintry weather, I don't feel badly that I only walked a little over a mile today. Actually I feel proud that I didn't give in to that whiny voice in my head that said today was too cold for walking- it probably was as I'm FREEZING now that I'm home and will need a hot shower- and that my knees already hurt so I should just rest today. My knees still hurt- they hurt pretty much every step of the way- but I did it anyway and that whiny voice will thank me when it's in a happier body. GO ME! :)
I will walk briskly for at least 30 minutes a day- which equals at least a mile- and incorporate at least some gently rising ground if not actual hills. In this way I will get my heart pumping and maybe help my knees a little. That is not the real goal, though. The actual goal is to lose 5 pounds by May.
I'm not sure if this will work, but I'm going to try anyway. I don't intend to drastically change my diet so it may not really work. I'm just hoping that exercise will do enough to knock off five pounds on it's own. I'll admit, it is a small goal... Actually a minuscule goal. And it is possible to lose five pounds in a week or two so there's always a chance that I can do it in five weeks. After all, I'm going from no planned exercise to at least 30 minutes of planned exercise for no less than four days a week.
Yesterday I walked 2.6 miles in 50 minutes. Not too bad, I think. Today I only walked for 30 minutes as it is snowing and I was cold. Not a great excuse, I know, but who of you four or five people reading this would have even gone exercise-walking in the snow? Or when it's 34 degrees with winds from the North? (That was yesterdays walk.) Since I have a feeling most of you said there was no chance you'd be out briskly walking in the snow or even cold, wintry weather, I don't feel badly that I only walked a little over a mile today. Actually I feel proud that I didn't give in to that whiny voice in my head that said today was too cold for walking- it probably was as I'm FREEZING now that I'm home and will need a hot shower- and that my knees already hurt so I should just rest today. My knees still hurt- they hurt pretty much every step of the way- but I did it anyway and that whiny voice will thank me when it's in a happier body. GO ME! :)
Monday, March 23, 2009
Getting Ready For Branden's Birthday
Branden's birthday is still about two months away but I bought his birthday present today. We're pretty poor right now but I figured it would be best to buy it while I had a little money... And also before it was his birthday and it was too late. Thankfully, he doesn't read this but I'm not going to say what I bought anyway. :P The fewer people who know, the better chance that I'll make it to his birthday without him figuring it out.
Branden is terrible about birthday gifts... Or any other gifts for that matter. He always wants to know what I bought him and pesters me constantly. So the fact that I have purchased a gift already is really just me setting myself up for a lot of harassment.
Branden is terrible about birthday gifts... Or any other gifts for that matter. He always wants to know what I bought him and pesters me constantly. So the fact that I have purchased a gift already is really just me setting myself up for a lot of harassment.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
"Wasting Words On Lower Cases And Capitals"
It's funny how music can bring back so many memories. I was just watching music videos to songs that I haven't managed to listen to in a long time and as I watched there was another music video playing in my head.
As if moments of my life were lived with a soundtrack and, to be honest, some parts of my life were. Certain music will always remind me of hanging out with Katie and Shay before Katie's senior year of high school. We never went anywhere without music playing- loudly- and half the time we were hoarse from singing along by the time we reached our destination. I remember the beginning of Milo and all the freedom we felt we had; Barefoot walks around the neighborhood and up the foothills; Betting on Crazy Eights; Gingerbread houses and Codge; "Stalking" boys; Long talks, late nights and hugs.
Some music will remind me of my first fiance and all the issues and all the hopes and the end. And, though I will never be sorry that he is no longer in my life, some of that music will make me a little sad for those days. The times that we'd stay up all night talking- Branden and I don't do that; The times that I waited excitedly for the phone call or the text message; Hanging out with Kerry, Amy and Brittney talking about boys and life and everything; Visiting Kerry at Hollywood Video and watching movies at her house until late at night; Learning to live on my own; My last semester of college. It's all there in the music... And sometimes I miss that.
Other music reminds me of the best roommates I ever had: Amy and Shay. I remember all the boys, all the dishes, all the concerts, all the late nights and all-nighters, all the laughter. Falling out of the tree at the cabin and having to hike my own butt back to the cabin because they are both so much shorter than me; Blowing up apples with Amy and nearly getting caught over and over; A living room with no couches, just LoveSacs; Guitar Hero until the wee hours of the morning; Visiting Kerry AND Amy at Hollywood Video and seeing all the new releases the weekend before they came out; Joshie Dye and Dave coming to hang out with us; Shay and Dave fighting over fresh bread; Nightmare-ish parking; Dee's at 1 AM; Dragging Amy, Shay and Rick out to steal lawn ornaments; Watching the sun rise from the North Ogden Cemetary; Chasing Amy's dog when I should have been decorating Katie's wedding cake... It's all there in the music as well.
Some songs remind me of the amazing younger brother who would drag me out of bed after he got off work Friday mornings and take me out to breakfast. Rick has always been a great guy and I'm reminded of all the good times we've had when I listen to that music. The hours spent talking about life and dating; Shopping for clothes with him and Katie so we could insure he looked the proper amount of hot; Sharing a closet wall with him when we lived with our cousins and watching movies while sitting on my bed; Late nights watching him play video games; Going to movies and just hanging out together. He even stayed up all night with me and helped me finish Katie's cake after I caught Amy's dog.
And yet more reminds me of living in Arizona. The long hot drives with my windows down to catch any breeze and my music helping me enjoy the trip; Driving home, exhausted, after school; Getting introduced to the city by Patrick; Hanging out with Sabre; Being incredibly homesick with no time for homesickness; Talking to Branden every night for almost six months; Kayla and Jill- the friends I hand-picked the first day of class and essentially didn't give a chance to say no; Michelle, Ashley and Maria- the friends who got me through the most; Shopping on my own and feeling so proud about stocking cupboards with no help from anyone else; The nights that I wished I had time/energy for roommates.
So many memories. And music brings it all back... And makes me cry a little. Because I miss my friends who all have their own lives and I miss the younger brother who used to hang out with me and now has a wonderful fiancee and I miss Katie- even though I see her almost every week- because things were never quite the same after we had a falling-out her senior year. And it doesn't make a lot of sense to miss those times. Except that they WERE really good times. Yes, we were lost in a grown-up world when we didn't feel ready to be grown (still don't) and we were poor and I distinctly recall crying in my parents' family room because I was sick with no money for medicine or food... But I get whistful when I hear those chords. Thankfully, there's newer music and it reminds me of Branden and love and happiness. I think I'll listen to a bit of that now.
As if moments of my life were lived with a soundtrack and, to be honest, some parts of my life were. Certain music will always remind me of hanging out with Katie and Shay before Katie's senior year of high school. We never went anywhere without music playing- loudly- and half the time we were hoarse from singing along by the time we reached our destination. I remember the beginning of Milo and all the freedom we felt we had; Barefoot walks around the neighborhood and up the foothills; Betting on Crazy Eights; Gingerbread houses and Codge; "Stalking" boys; Long talks, late nights and hugs.
Some music will remind me of my first fiance and all the issues and all the hopes and the end. And, though I will never be sorry that he is no longer in my life, some of that music will make me a little sad for those days. The times that we'd stay up all night talking- Branden and I don't do that; The times that I waited excitedly for the phone call or the text message; Hanging out with Kerry, Amy and Brittney talking about boys and life and everything; Visiting Kerry at Hollywood Video and watching movies at her house until late at night; Learning to live on my own; My last semester of college. It's all there in the music... And sometimes I miss that.
Other music reminds me of the best roommates I ever had: Amy and Shay. I remember all the boys, all the dishes, all the concerts, all the late nights and all-nighters, all the laughter. Falling out of the tree at the cabin and having to hike my own butt back to the cabin because they are both so much shorter than me; Blowing up apples with Amy and nearly getting caught over and over; A living room with no couches, just LoveSacs; Guitar Hero until the wee hours of the morning; Visiting Kerry AND Amy at Hollywood Video and seeing all the new releases the weekend before they came out; Joshie Dye and Dave coming to hang out with us; Shay and Dave fighting over fresh bread; Nightmare-ish parking; Dee's at 1 AM; Dragging Amy, Shay and Rick out to steal lawn ornaments; Watching the sun rise from the North Ogden Cemetary; Chasing Amy's dog when I should have been decorating Katie's wedding cake... It's all there in the music as well.
Some songs remind me of the amazing younger brother who would drag me out of bed after he got off work Friday mornings and take me out to breakfast. Rick has always been a great guy and I'm reminded of all the good times we've had when I listen to that music. The hours spent talking about life and dating; Shopping for clothes with him and Katie so we could insure he looked the proper amount of hot; Sharing a closet wall with him when we lived with our cousins and watching movies while sitting on my bed; Late nights watching him play video games; Going to movies and just hanging out together. He even stayed up all night with me and helped me finish Katie's cake after I caught Amy's dog.
And yet more reminds me of living in Arizona. The long hot drives with my windows down to catch any breeze and my music helping me enjoy the trip; Driving home, exhausted, after school; Getting introduced to the city by Patrick; Hanging out with Sabre; Being incredibly homesick with no time for homesickness; Talking to Branden every night for almost six months; Kayla and Jill- the friends I hand-picked the first day of class and essentially didn't give a chance to say no; Michelle, Ashley and Maria- the friends who got me through the most; Shopping on my own and feeling so proud about stocking cupboards with no help from anyone else; The nights that I wished I had time/energy for roommates.
So many memories. And music brings it all back... And makes me cry a little. Because I miss my friends who all have their own lives and I miss the younger brother who used to hang out with me and now has a wonderful fiancee and I miss Katie- even though I see her almost every week- because things were never quite the same after we had a falling-out her senior year. And it doesn't make a lot of sense to miss those times. Except that they WERE really good times. Yes, we were lost in a grown-up world when we didn't feel ready to be grown (still don't) and we were poor and I distinctly recall crying in my parents' family room because I was sick with no money for medicine or food... But I get whistful when I hear those chords. Thankfully, there's newer music and it reminds me of Branden and love and happiness. I think I'll listen to a bit of that now.
Friday, March 20, 2009
"All We Need Is Some Ice Cream And A Hug"
It seems like every time we are almost doing ok, life hits and we are left saying, "We'll find a way to make it work."
Branden has spent a lot of time working on our vehicles this month. I knew it wouldn't be cheap to get the truck in full, working order and the scooter... Just added to the cost. But the truck really HAD to be done and my car had to be finished and the scooter... Curse the stupid scooter for taking away more money. In the long run it could save us money but right now it doesn't seem worth it. Truth be told, we should have paid a lot more than we did for all of this, but Branden's friends at the shop are so good to us. Maybe TOO good to us. Not that I'm complaining.
But now it seems that Branden will need to go to the eye doctor so he can get a new prescription and new contacts. He's trying to say that we can't afford it, but what we REALLY can't afford is him being blind. Eyesight is a need, not a want.
Earlier this month I was feeling good because we were somewhat ahead. Then we paid most of the bills and rent is coming up and... We are near the end. We can't survive much longer unless Branden gets a job and I'm starting to panic. He used to bring home over $400 a week, but unemployment only pays him $250 a week. I'm doing almost every job asked of me at work just to be sure that I have as close to 40 hours a week as possible. Friends and family have graciously and generously hired Branden to do work for them and I am so incredibly grateful to every person who is helping us stay just a few dollars from sunk.
And at the same time I'm terrified. Thank goodness that I pushed back every time Branden pushed to get a house. I knew then that we wouldn't be able to afford one and, as much as I really want to own a house, now we can pick up and move if it comes to that. So we aren't as badly off as some... But I honestly don't know what we'll do next month and the month after that. And planning a wedding when we have no money is, quite frankly, depressing but I need to do something and it helps me look forward to the future with a little hope.
I don't want anyone to feel badly for or worry about me. We are all having a tough time and, as before stated, we're not as badly off as some. We are mostly healthy and mostly happy. We have stocked our chest freezer and pantry as best we could while we had money. I may be getting a little creative in the not-too-distant future but we won't starve. I hide money from myself. I know for a fact that I have at least $100 stashed away- somewhere- and I can PROBABLY find it when I get desperate... Probably. Not to mention at least $100 in loose change floating around because Branden doesn't spend it. We'll be ok. (Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself?) This is a place that I vent and I get out my worries. It's a bit like my journal, only better. :) So don't worry too much about me... Just, next time you see me, could you give me a hug? I think we're all going to need a lot of them to make it through.
Branden has spent a lot of time working on our vehicles this month. I knew it wouldn't be cheap to get the truck in full, working order and the scooter... Just added to the cost. But the truck really HAD to be done and my car had to be finished and the scooter... Curse the stupid scooter for taking away more money. In the long run it could save us money but right now it doesn't seem worth it. Truth be told, we should have paid a lot more than we did for all of this, but Branden's friends at the shop are so good to us. Maybe TOO good to us. Not that I'm complaining.
But now it seems that Branden will need to go to the eye doctor so he can get a new prescription and new contacts. He's trying to say that we can't afford it, but what we REALLY can't afford is him being blind. Eyesight is a need, not a want.
Earlier this month I was feeling good because we were somewhat ahead. Then we paid most of the bills and rent is coming up and... We are near the end. We can't survive much longer unless Branden gets a job and I'm starting to panic. He used to bring home over $400 a week, but unemployment only pays him $250 a week. I'm doing almost every job asked of me at work just to be sure that I have as close to 40 hours a week as possible. Friends and family have graciously and generously hired Branden to do work for them and I am so incredibly grateful to every person who is helping us stay just a few dollars from sunk.
And at the same time I'm terrified. Thank goodness that I pushed back every time Branden pushed to get a house. I knew then that we wouldn't be able to afford one and, as much as I really want to own a house, now we can pick up and move if it comes to that. So we aren't as badly off as some... But I honestly don't know what we'll do next month and the month after that. And planning a wedding when we have no money is, quite frankly, depressing but I need to do something and it helps me look forward to the future with a little hope.
I don't want anyone to feel badly for or worry about me. We are all having a tough time and, as before stated, we're not as badly off as some. We are mostly healthy and mostly happy. We have stocked our chest freezer and pantry as best we could while we had money. I may be getting a little creative in the not-too-distant future but we won't starve. I hide money from myself. I know for a fact that I have at least $100 stashed away- somewhere- and I can PROBABLY find it when I get desperate... Probably. Not to mention at least $100 in loose change floating around because Branden doesn't spend it. We'll be ok. (Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself?) This is a place that I vent and I get out my worries. It's a bit like my journal, only better. :) So don't worry too much about me... Just, next time you see me, could you give me a hug? I think we're all going to need a lot of them to make it through.
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