Less Than Seven Months To Go

Branden and I are less than seven months from our wedding day. :) I'm excited but also majorly stressed. There's so much to do but not much can be done without knowing WHERE. The when has been set since November 2008 and hasn't changed: September 25, 2010.

The where has been back and forth and up and down. Utah for sure, on that I haven't budged. Branden wanted the Park City area but it's so inconvenient for everyone involved- including us!- and the least expensive options are still more costly than options elsewhere. So now we've moved on to Ogden. Branden doesn't love the idea but I feel like I have a lot more resources in that area and it'll be far easier to get things done.

People have asked what they can do to help. I sincerely appreciate the offers and will be more than willing to accept them when I know what's going on myself. :) Right now this is what I do know:

I have some table cloths and my mom is willing to help me with the rest that I may need, though I won't know how many or what sizes until I know the where of the reception. It will be an open-house type reception so I don't need a lot of tables and, therefore, not a lot of tablecloths. I may even have enough right now.

I want to do arrangements of squashes/pumpkins and maybe other fall fruits for centerpieces. My mom is willing to plant some and I can buy them if I need to but it would be really cool if we could grow at least a portion. I'm not thinking huge pumpkins. Mom and I discussed the possibility of using sugar pumpkins so they could be used for baking afterward if anyone felt so inclined. As I'm not living in the area, the pumpkins/fall produce would either go home with family members or be returned to the grower(s) if they wanted them.

I'm not going to bother with a florist. It may seem cheap to some, but I love the fall bouquets at CostCo so I'll probably get one or two of those to cover what few flowers I want. There's also a chance that I'll use the leaf roses idea that both Branden and Katie have shown me but I'm not positive that I can get the leaves or that I'm actually talented enough to create the roses in the first place.

Kazia has graciously agreed to make my wedding cake but if that needs to change I am flexible. (Don't want you to feel any pressure, Kaz!) Branden doesn't like very many of the cakes I like- or very many wedding cakes at all- but we've tentatively agreed to something simple and we'll see where that goes.

I think that's about all I know. See, not much for being this close!

We Had A Visitor In St. Louis

Amy actually made it out to visit us this past week! We thought she'd be able to come visit last month but she couldn't get on a flight. When I received the text that she was on the plane and coming my way Monday afternoon I literally started giggling and dancing around. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this but, if you didn't know, Amy is my best-friend-who-is-a-girl-and-not-related-to-me. Long title, I know but Branden is my best friend as well and I also have some awesome siblings so... :)

Amy got here Monday evening and, I won't lie to you, I was so excited that I got to the airport a whole hour early and sat there reading my book until she arrived. We got semi-lost but we managed to find something for dinner AND get to Branden's work in time to share that dinner with him on his break. Afterward, I took Amy across the Mississippi River so that she could add Illinois to the list of states she's been in. We stayed up entirely too late that night but it was worth it.

Tuesday Amy and Branden went to some of Branden and my favorite specialty markets while I was at work. They had a great time and both stocked up on some of their favorite Asian treats. After I got home, the three of us went out to dinner and to the casino. We had a good time and when the time came to head home I wasn't quite ready so we went to the store to pick up a cheesecake. Amy and I might have been a little tired because we were laughing our heads off and Branden thought we were insane... It's been SO LONG since I've laughed like that. It was just what I needed right then. Amy and I stayed up too late once again, though not as late as we used to when we were roommates.

On Wednesday I made chocolate chip pancakes for Amy. Branden had some things he had to deal with so Amy and I went to the Gateway Arch without him. We wished he could have come but it was also nice to have that whole afternoon just the two of us girls. On our way home, I got a phone call from Chantelle who put me on speaker phone while James read his mission call to the family. He's going to Buenos Aires, Argentina!!! Amy and I made dinner for the three of us and once again stayed up later than we should have.

Yesterday morning we all got up earlier than usual. Branden took Amy to the airport while I headed off to work. Is it any wonder that I'm completely worn out today? It was worth every minute of missed sleep, though. We had a great time and I'm so glad that I got a chance to spend time with my other best friend. :)

"And It Always Seems Those Little Things They Take the Biggest Part of Me"

*Warning* This post may seem whiny to some. I tried to make it a little less so, but let's face it, I'm being a bit of a baby right now... Just a warning.

This has been a super long month for me. Between the constant back-of-my-mind-nagging of wedding worry, a cat mess with our apt complex, some work drama and the extremely sudden loss of Chiquita, I thought I was too emotionally exhausted to even cry... And then I watched P.S. I Love You.

I didn't plan on watching it but it was on TV and there wasn't much else on and it's been a while since I've seen it so I turned it on. Not surprisingly, I cried. What is surprising is the AMOUNT I cried and that I'm still crying intermittently at random, stupid things. I seriously just got all teary-eyed watching The Best Thing I Ever Ate. I'm watching FOOD NETWORK and getting teary!

See, it's not all the big stresses that are getting to me right now. Yes, there's still work drama, yes, there's still wedding worry and, yes, I lost someone I really respected this week. But really, all the little things in life have piled on as well and it's just coming out: stupid arguments, stupid customers, stupid cars, stupid money worries, stupid everything. So tonight I guess I'm having a few good cries and I'll probably feel better for it in the long run.

"May Angels Lead You In..."

The head baker at my work died today.

It seems unreal. Last night she called in to work because she wasn't feeling well, this morning it was too late to do anything for her. She had an aneurysm that ruptured. I saw her Friday morning and she was fine. Nobody knew. It's what I kept coming back to all day: nobody knew.

I rarely saw Chiquita for more than ten minutes at a time. She was usually getting off work when I was coming in but she always took the time greet me. She was the first person to show me around the bakery and she got me freezer gloves so my hands wouldn't be cold. She knew places to find ingredients in St. Louis and did her best to help me when I needed to find something. She remembered problems I was having and asked how I was doing with them. And she made me laugh. We didn't spend much time together in the seven months I've worked there but I know she was a good person and she will be missed by many.

It's so strange to me how just yesterday I spoke of her in the present and now everything is in the past tense... How quickly and unexpectedly life changes. Times like these make you realize how much of life we take for granted. Branden's at work and I won't see him until after midnight but I've still made sure I've told him over and over how much I love him. A very wise woman once told me to always tell your husband that you love him at the end of every phone conversation, every time you go to bed, every time one of you is leaving the house,etc.,- even if you're mad- because you never know when it'll be the last time. Kazia, I always have and I always will. Today, more than ever, I appreciate your wisdom.

I hope that each of you will do me- and yourselves- a favor as soon as possible: Tell your spouse, children, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers and any other loved ones that you love them. Let the people you care about know that they are loved and appreciated. You'll never regret it.

A Small Pocket Of Fear In My Stomach

Today I started something that cannot be undone. I have every right to do what I'm doing- even every legal right- but I'm a little... Worried. This is bigger than anything I've ever done/dealt with before. This could all be over in the next week and some, but it's unlikely. It would be unwise for me to post on here exactly what is going on but I will most likely post details when/if things are settled. A small part of me wants to run away but... It's too late and I SHOULDN'T run away. For now, just keep me in your thoughts and send me the strength to stand on my own if need be.

Thoughts After A Night Out With The Girls

This past week was exhausting to me. There were many times that I felt like I was dragging myself uphill through waist-deep mud and I just didn't want to keep moving. No matter how much sleep I got, it wasn't enough and I was feeling a lot of negative emotions. At the start of this new week, I feel a little better but I'm still somewhat bogged down. There were, however, a couple of bright spots. One was last night.

I work with a girl named Molly. She's 18-almost-19, sweet, funny and just an all-around nice girl. Sometimes I see that there's a HUGE difference in where she is and where I am, other times it's like we're the same age and laughing over something we both find funny. She's invited me to hang out with her and her friends a few times but I normally say no because I'd be so much older than everyone else. Yesterday she invited me to go see Dear John with them and I decided to go. It was so much fun! (And the movie wasn't bad, either, though it does drift away from the book fairly dramatically in some parts.) We giggled and chatted and for just a little while I was able to forget that I'm stressed about money, etc., and just have fun. I sometimes forget what it's like to just let things go. Molly's friends accepted me and we all just had a good time. I will very likely say yes a little more often now. :P

18 was SO long ago for me. I remember that I had worries then, but they were very different than the ones I have now. I was concerned that I'd never find a guy who loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. I never had a lot of money but I lived with my parents so it wasn't such a big deal. I was thinking about going to college and worried about what I was going to do with the rest of my life. And I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the decisions I was expected to make and the vast possibilities that lay before me. Part of me wishes to have THOSE stresses back.

On the other hand, I have a man who loves me and, even when we argue and things aren't going well, he wants to be by my side struggling together. School is behind me for now, I've made those choices and now I just have to make them work. My possibilities have been limited somewhat by those decisions but they aren't all gone by any means. Money stress will probably never go away but I have hope that it will get easier someday... At least I won't be stressing about how to pay for a wedding because that will come and go and, no matter how the wedding turns out, it's the marriage that actually matters. Someday I'll probably look back on 27 and think part of me wishes to just have these stresses. :P

I don't want to be 18/19 again but it sure was nice to FEEL that way again, if only for an evening.

We Are In Need Of Your Assistance

I have FINALLY gotten Branden to agree to moving the wedding and reception out of Park City and into Salt Lake and/or Ogden. This is good news for all involved because it means less or, at least, more convenient travel.

Here's the problem, we had an idea of where we were going to do things in the Park City area and we now have many new possibilities opened up to us... Frankly, it's a bit overwhelming. Branden wants to keep the option of having some of our celebrations outside and I'm not opposed so long as we have back-up plans. Whether or not we do anything outside, we need either one site that we can have for a good portion of the day/evening or two sites that we can easily travel between... This is where your help would be greatly appreciated.

At this point, we expect to cover expenses ourselves so the site(s) MUST be inexpensive. We aren't planning on hiring a caterer so any site that requires one is out. Please, please, please help us think out of the box to find something we can afford. We want our wedding to be almost casual- we were looking in to potentially having the ceremony at a nice campsite- so even if it's not a typical wedding venue, throw it out there and we'll see what we can do with it. Thanks in advance for your help!

City Museum Pictures

Yes, these are about a month old but... At least I got them up. These are less than half of the pictures we took and you're going to see just a TINY portion of this amazing museum but maybe it'll prompt some visits to St. Louis someday and I'll get to see you! :) This is part of what you'll see when you walk in:

City Museum is NOT for the claustrophobic.

Yeah, I'm about to follow Branden through that.

You can't see it here, but I'm panicking in this pic.

I'm still in the hole and the panic isn't actually gone yet.

I SURVIVED! Panic is behind me.

And I'm dumb enough to crawl through something else.

Almost there!

I was not stupid enough to try to fit through here...

But Branden squeezed his skinny behind through.

You'll see it... Just keep looking

Umm... I can't fit through that.

Sometimes I wish he was fat.

Oh, a SLIDE!... You'll see.

Do I dare?

Yes, I do!

We're going ALL the way up!

This is a light on the way up... It's a dark climb.

About half-way up

Gotta take a break. We're climbing something like 12 stories of spiral staircases.

Looking down from the top.

You've GOT to try this slide!

Did I mention that there's an aquarium there as well? I'm letting doctor fish nibble on my fingers.

Holding hands in the doctor fish tank.

Branden visiting his friend the rabbit.

Hello from inside the fish tank!

Swimmin' with the fishes!

Branden inside the dive suit.

Me, too!

Ok, now you've seen a little. Come visit me and I'll show you the rest! :)

Finally Getting Insurance!

As of February 1st I will have health insurance. :) I've been trying to get insurance since October which is when the paperwork I was given at orientation says I should have had insurance. Apparently I was given old paperwork but, as I had no other information to go on, that was what I expected to receive. After MONTHS of calling people and essentially harassing my boss I finally have results!

Wednesday I phoned the last woman I had talked to and she gave me the good news. Thursday I received the insurance packet in the mail. I filled out the required information and will be returning it to my work on Monday. Today I received my insurance card in the mail. After all that, it certainly didn't take them long to get everything set up!

I'm actually excited to go to the doctor because I'll be able to talk to him/her about getting ready to have kids. :)

Helping My Mom

Today I helped my mom with her Facebook and her blog. We didn't get a lot done as far as the blog goes but we did make some improvements on her Facebook. :) Oddly enough, it was actually fun for me to help her. We talked and laughed- I will admit that I laughed more than she did but it's not because I was laughing AT her- and I think she feels better about things.

To be honest, Mom wasn't hard to teach. I know she feels like she just doesn't get it but I think she's just overwhelmed. I've spent many years now using the internet and writing blogs but I remember feeling a little overwhelmed at first. I think she just needs some time to get comfortable with it and she'll actually be just fine. So, to aid her in that, we have decided that I will call every weekend and we will spend a little time each week working on her computer and I will guide her as best I can from 1300 miles away.

Of course, we won't JUST work on her computer. It's a good time for us to talk a catch up a little. I'm looking forward to a little time with my mom. :)